Blue Cheese

Work

2009-11-30T08:37:00.002+08:00

I fear opening my office mailbox.

I can only relate fear to work. Sometimes i still feel isolated but it's not that strong anymore as compared to my first 2-3 months here.

I can't seem to focus. BH told me it might be due to a lack of interest.

Is it true?

Why did i do accounting?
Well.. it's the safest path to a guaranteeing myself a job, whether in good or bad times. But that aside, it has never been a favorite of mine. Have i chosen wrongly?

Perhaps so.

What now?

Do i resign or explore other areas of accounting? What should i be doing then?
I've got no other degree. Should i go obtain another? Should i get into sales?

I'm confused.

Right now i can't bear to click to check my mail despite having logged in. I am so useless.

I think i need another job. Where i can work which i'm interested in.

Run + climb

2009-10-25T22:19:00.002+08:00

Last week some dude mailed me. An active climber. Cool. More people to go climbing with. But gonna turn down climbing this Sunday cos i'll be doing the Terry Fox Run. Didn't mean to go.

But... Monday morning in my mail.

Group Announcement. Team Sime Darby is sending 150 employees to join and i thought why not.
Immediately signed up for that and now i'm aiming to do some speed work to finish fast & strong.

I don't usually aim to do fast as usually its a minimum of 10km and i'm afraid i can't finish strong haha... but its 5 this time and i'm quite confident since i do a minimum of 3km at least 4 times a week. So i'm gonna up the speed on the treadmill and do some hill work as well while i'm at it.

Suddenly someone came to mind. Someone whom i always associate with climbing. Someone whom i wanna bump into at a certain place but never have thus far. Haha.. Fate la dear fate.

Suan le ba. Forget it.

10 years late

2009-10-18T11:16:00.002+08:00

I know this uncle at gym. He's great. Only thing is he's too old haha.

He has the level of maturity i want in men. Let me first clarify the fact that i have no special feelings whatsoever towards him. It's just that i wish really wish i can meet someone like him who's 10 years younger haha. Thn, i'll definitely go out of my way to get him haha.

Despite me being in a female dominated dept i do know a number of guys but i've not met any suitable candidates.

I don't need someone to see eye to eye and agree with all i have to say you know. Nothing's more attractive than men who can hold up their own.

I'm actually quite easily turned off by guys which goes on to explain why i've remained single all my life. I switch off like a bulb. You can turn me on but poof i goes off with the flick of a switch. I'm not the kind who'll stay and give you a second opp.

The biggest turn off..... is when i look into your eyes and all i see is filthy lust for some body contact, sex whatever. To me that's so eew. Don't disgust me like that. Call me naive whatever, but sex is post love not pre or with the absence of fondness. Honestly speaking, i have some sorta distrust in most men as they all look like empty shells to me. One is no different from the other. Soo please understand why i at times feel indifferent towards men.

So long

2009-09-16T17:07:00.002+08:00

I've not been blogging for so long. I know. I've realised this some time back but really can't be bothered as there is much on my hands. Right now i've completed work due today for work and yet there are still those homework for class later this evening... in apprx one hour and 45 minutes.

When that trainer asked me at the gym last night why i so anti social. I told him i've got one too many commitments haha. It's true. That dude dunno why always so semangat ask me out everytime he sees me. Asked for my number, which i gave. The condition is he can't write it down haha. No smses or anything till now, good. One less worry.

Now. Studies is crazy as i struggle to understand all these things... cos i've been missing the other lecturer, Shantha's class ;p Long story.

Miss seeing all my friends a little la.. but not too much... Shopping every weekend to stay sane and happy. But can't be doing that anymore cos i want to save a bit... For the longest time i've been meaning to backpack. Just me and my backpack everywhere without a care. So i gotta save up quite a bit... See la... After 3-4 years or so i'll quit my job and just leave.

With regards to friends, i must belanja Jon makan for helping me earlier. Despite never mentioning it to him or anyone else, it's on my mind it's on my mind. See. I remember haha.

Today damn bad luck. Train siao d. Instead of sending me to work. It chose to spit us all out at Chan Sow Lin where it was more packed than sardines in a can. It was stuffy. Noisy.

I couldnt stand it and attempted to take a bus. No knowing where i was takinga bus also a bit the hard... Bus also many people. Sigh............ In the end i took the train back home and applied for emergency leave and did my work at home.

The things i do for fun

2009-08-02T23:18:00.002+08:00

Mission Early Bird

Objective: Be at my desk before my boss is at his/hers.

It's just self syok la. But i'm always not too early haha... last Fri i was in office at 730am... earliest in my department haha!! I am seriously nutty ;p

Must be all the almonds i'm chewing before lunch... hungry ma... Talking bout hunger... i feel like chewing something now... before bedtime.. gee.. bad... just a small snack.. below 100 calorie i promise. Lol!

Studies is fun cos Menon is such an entertaining lecturer. To pass the unit all i need to do is listen to her and do everything she asks... so simple... Thanks for making my life easier ;) Love her.

Where the Raja meets the Sultan

2009-07-24T21:22:00.002+08:00

That's exactly where my office is. At the intersection of Sultan Ismail and Raja Laut.

Right now i'm expected to pick up a lot of things fast and it can get pretty stressful as even newbies like me get deadlines. I meant datelines but it's more dead than date to me haha... Right now i'm closer to my IT friends compared to my very own department due to the fact that the our team collaborates closely with our IT counterparts who will be playing the support role when the system is up and running...

Work's quite challenging and thus engaging to say the least despite not liking my boss a great deal, mainly due to the fact that we rarely talk, nothing else. I have two other female ladies in the team. We are a small team... the consolidation team's obviously larger. There's also a division dedicated to producing analysis for higher management etc.

According to boss the management execs will be rotated within the dept itself, spending roughly 6 months at least in each... and i suppose after that we can be sent to other offices or something... Not too sure as these sorta things aren't that fixed anyways....

We at office are really too busy to talk much with each other during work hours, me i message Ame pretty often just to chit chat and complain.. msg Auji to buat kacau and SOS Yen li for help. I seriously can't talk to them cos they are all in IT haha...

And... i found out my office is surrounded by food everywhere.... One afternoon i was alone for lunch and... i ended up in Dang Wangi at Yut Kee, having the Hainanese pork chop. Another i was at Medan Tuanku for malay food. Indian food also ada la..

Oh work

2009-07-17T21:11:00.002+08:00

The day has been horrible save for lunch time. Had lunch on a road side stall with the others... malay food as they were mostly malays except me and Darryl. Darryl's an intern and Sime Darby scholar. I think he has to be smart. He doesn't do much talking so i ended up doing most talking.

It felt so good just to talk non stop cos though i'm quite fluent in malay it's not my preferred language. I don't talk as fast in malay as in english cos it's really much more easier for me la what to do.

I have to learn some BPC thingy at work... in full it's Business Planning and Consolidation. I came to understand that it's main use is for planning that is budgeting... It's really quite alien to me... this whole application... I'm still unsure why i have allocated to helping W with this. The other two are assigned to something else. Sigh oh sigh.

Why is it that the tech retard be sent to deal with technology?

There's nothing i can do but learn... that's not too bad if my managers are better at providing guidance. Don't cock stare me and keep asking me what i don't understand la. And please stop wanting to test and ask me questions to gauge how much i understand. Give me a break. It's my first official day at me. Stop causing me so much stress!!

How am i suppose to be enthusiastic bout work when give me so much pressure?

I go into Sleep more when under pressure. I so must let them know bout this piece of fact.

Anyway... i don't want to this be speaking to W cos she gives me this feeling that she doesn't give a damn. I will be much better opening up to V cos he's definitely nicer.

And tmr somebody's in Sunway is gonna die. Sunway University College is so dumb.

I'm a part time student right. So obviously i am working right. So it is quite acceptable that i may be late for classes time to time when i am needed at work right.

But the bunch of idiots in Sunway is stupid enough to sell notes at the beginning of lecture time. Due to crazy traffic i was one hour late so no notes for me. Why? Cos the uncle who's selling the notes has left and i can go photostat my own set from a class mate.

I walked away. Left. It was so tough simply turning up for class okay and to be told that you've got no notes after all the struggle to get there?

I'm gonna go complain tomorrow. And yes. I have no notes for tmr's class. Dunno la. Might even switch tuition provider next semester. Most probably la i think. I can't stand stupidity especially when i have paid the fees. So dumb. At least provide me an online version so that i can print my own notes la. So stupid!!!!

Fears

2009-07-09T09:17:00.005+08:00

I am so fearful of starting work. Serious. Work is no play. Lol...

I am about to begin working in a dead serious place. Sime Darby is as serious as it can get. Omg omg omg. But at the same time i'm pretty excited bout it haha...

Once upon a time.
When i first stepped into the place for the first time.

OhMyGod. So many malays. SO quiet. Can die. Oh no. I think i'm dead.

Now.
It's not that bad. I can wear kebaya and baju kurung wei. No need to iron haha.

I'll still love my shirts and skirts but hey... i've got more wardrobe options and shopping opportunities hehe... what's not to love? Lol...

Okay.. all that being said i better go study now or else Ms Menon will kill me come Sunday in class. I am not gonna be fired for being dumb. Haha... i want to know all those accounting standards at my finger tips.

So much to do. Tomorrow is medical check day.. some pre-employment check up... to ensure i have no AIDS haha.. Nah... joking duh... Not really sure what tests but a string of tests to ensure everything's fine with me.. No heart attacks in d midst of peak period to avoid work disruptions haha...

And last note for the day. I think i am not fat. You know it's really quite hard for me to remind myself that. The fact that i'm not really as fat as i think i am. I do suffer from sorta problem in that department.

I've got a confession to make.

I am pretty certain the last time i ate one whole roti canai dates years back. 3 years at least. Roti canai is very oily and fattening, no? I stopped eating it long ago. I only order tosai or chapati. Wonder if it's diet friendly... but in any case should be better than roti.

I can be such a freak of nature.

But truth is i don't really care bout roti much... i simply love my dhal and curries actually... and chutneys haha... I wanna go Masjid Jamek area to have my naan or chapati with milk...............
Now that's nice.... and chickpeas.... and green beans dhal...

I get my fix at Jai Hind ;) and omg... let's go try the sweets............ they look quite good...

There is however one problem. Due to the huge variety i always stare at them wide eyed. Not knowing which one to pick! Haha... the only way out is to try them ALL but omg so many...

So i'm gonna Google them up... tho that's not gonna help me in knowing how they really taste like... but i do like having an idea what they are made of and such... I feel so Hansel and Gratel looking at all those sweets man...

2009-07-01T19:26:00.002+08:00

I couldn't quite make up my mind this morning. But after a call from KC i'm gonna join the trekking trip in Bukit Kutu next Sat...... happy!

So excited over nothing haha... it's just trekking goodness...

Listening to Taylor Swift right now... My favorite songs by her includes

You belong with me
Just another picture to burn
Love story

And one bout this guy called Steven.

And i love love love Adam's No Boundaries for running uphill. It keeps me going strong and pumping it up to conquer that little hill haha...

Studies

2009-06-29T18:31:00.003+08:00

On certain weekdays i have classes from 7-10pm but i'm certainly booked every Saturday from 9am till 730pm. That is part time studying for you kiddo.

It's funny today when i told the lady that i gotta switch back to Part time after switching from PT initially to Full time... Mana ku tahu i'll get the job la darling... I do not mean to trouble you. What's more, i think they are gonna charge me for that sigh...

She asked me for reason and i blamed it on Sime Darby's job offer. It's really more than 2 weeks d lor... what do you expect me to do... But she gave me the response every other person gave me.

Sime Darby? Good company!

Within expectations. And because of this job i'm doing Corporate Reporting First, P2. Instead of P1 Business Analysis. Thought that it'll be more useful for the job la... Bro told me it's the tougher one compared to P1 and P3 so i plan to do P1+P3 next sem and concentrate on P2 this sem.

Really looking forward to both Studying and Working actually ;)

After a long break, nothing seems more welcoming.

Now... i shall go stretch my legs, esp my hamstrings a little more as they are kinda sore after all the running. Have a nice day ;D

Standard Chartered Kl marathon 2009

2009-06-29T10:55:00.003+08:00

It was pouring the day i collected my running kit... i was drenched with my wet jeans weighing on my every step as i had walked from the Masjid Jamek train station to Dataran Merdeka. Thank god i can share the umbrella with the lady in front of me while i was in queue.

Then bad luck has it that the electricity has to be gone at the very hour. Watever la.. at least i've gotten my running kit at the end of the day. The running shirt wasn't too bad... I was expecting it to be worst as it's Reebok. I would be very much more assured if it's Nike or Adidas.... but it looks great so thank god...

The marathon was badly organized.... i'm not too sure bout the full marathoners as i'm only running a half this time... I'll be very much happier if the first water station was not nearly as far...

The one most important thing lacking is the atmosphere. It simply wasn't as fun fulled with throngs of supporters along the route. Perhaps it's so because i don't think we have supporters' gathering spot or watever you call it, the starting/ending point aside...

To cut things short, for the record... it's 2 hours 25 min till i get a better confirmation of my finishing time from the organizers ;)

For now.

2009-06-14T23:13:00.002+08:00

My bro's asleep on my bed. My sis is studying somewhere in the house and i have nothing to do.

Looking for trekking places for Myke. He told me he would be interested in doing some outdoor activities cos he's bored of gym. As an instructor he's working 6 days a week min so what do you expect.

He's not interested in running. Nor climbing. Love the idea of diving but find it a little expensive. Same here same here. Diving so expensive omg but i'm willing to pay to do it. If money can buy the experience you want, then why not?

Trekking and hiking sounds like loads of fun............... gee.... i'm gonna need money money money and time of course. My bro thinks i so can't be an auditor cos then i'll never have the time. So true.

I need to do all these stuff i wanna do now... before i officially join the work force.. again. I can't be living life with regrets so it's now or never! But once again i find myself in need of company. What trouble. Now now... where in the world can i get such a person? Someone with a taste for adventure and wouldn't mind going with me to all these places i wanna set foot in. Oh tell me lord

I'm gonna be saving up my money while you give me the answer. I need to be looking everywhere but i won't quit till i find he or she.

Right now i need to concentrate on studying and climbing while adding gym and part time job into the equation. I promise myself to commit and no quitting till i succeed!

Please let me complain a bit please

2009-06-08T08:54:00.003+08:00

Friday

I love night classes at the gym. You can do so much better when you know it's okay to use up all of your energy since you're gonna go to bed soon anyway.

Saturday

We went climbing. I was so sleepy that morning omg...I didn't want to climb too much as i had done quite a bit of work at the gym previous night - BP, 1 hour treadmill and BC.

Despite me taking it easy i had sore legs and butt the next day wth.

Saturday taught me a lesson too. I can't stand people who complains all day long. Nope.

She complained

of my inability to recognize roads i rarely drive on.
that i brought her to Ss2 cos there's nothing there and blamed me for burning me in the sun.

The truth is Sookie said got Durian there so she was excited and wanted to go but i did tell her that i dunno where is it and all i know is there's loads of makan place there. Seriously i have no idea what she's like. I for one have no qualms bout walking about, on the look out for anything interesting.

She on the other hand wants to be in air conditioned space.

She wants to shop for formal clothes. So i brought her to Midvalley. She is so picky. This one NO. That NO. Aiyo. Simply only la... Come on... I mean why not just get an ordinary shirt at Padini? It's so cheap. 50 bucks after discount. It's not whoa inducing but seriously... there's only 2 other person in your office and it's just to meet some i dunno who client.

She wants to look really pretty i think. I dunno man... I've seen her couple of times and she doesn't seem like the kinda person who's into fashion to me. Her style strikes me as a bit boyish even...Let me insult her a bit here since she wasn't at all nice to me despite me driving her around.

She told me i have grown fat. She told me i look older than her even. She's 27 btw. How's that for honesty. Ya. Honesty is what she thinks and may not even be the truth. But she got me quite furious with her statements and comments.

And i'm being real nice here okay.. She may be thin for all i care. I don't want her body her looks or anything. Why would i want to be as plain looking anyway. And her legs aren't that nice. I think she has some probs with ingrown hair on her legs.

I could have just insulted her kao kao but i'm not about to wage a vanity war. What got on my nerves most is when she told me she's not visiting more of Kl/Malaysia due to having no one to drive/taker her around. Wtf.

Yeah. We sure don't have the best public transport around. She doesn't understand Malay. So what? Get a guide book. Ask friends. If English, Aussie tourists can navigate the streets of Kl, why not you?

It's her reluctance and laziness that she stays home. Not anybody else's fault. It's her own doing that she eats roti canai every night. It's partly due to the fact that there's nothing else within a very short walking distance but if she tries to go beyond that 100-200 metres of her apartment i'm sure she can find a lot more food. And she can cook kan.

Sigh. I'm so sick already. Please please please let her stay far far away from me...

2009-06-04T22:14:00.002+08:00

I went for an interview which i do not really wanna be doing for and walked out of it wanting the job haha. Second interview by Sime Darby. Competing against 39 others for 4 vacancies. Stiff.

Lol.

And i'm just keeping my fingers crossed.

Whatever it is i'll be starting my ACCA soon... so... no more holidays for me. Yay!

Boredom's killing me wth. Haha..

That confused girl

2009-06-01T08:33:00.002+08:00

I'm not sure.

What is living to you? What is life all about?

Some say its achieving one's full potential. What's fulfilling to you?

How do one live such a life, as that described by so many. I wish good god lord could just drop me a step-by-step guideline to living.

Right now i'm looking into doing more studying.

I'm looking into CPA. ACCA. And omg........ communications/marketing too haha.
How's that.

I'm not passionate about accounting. Is it because i've never done it before? Perhaps so. I should give it a try. Alright. While doing that i wanna juggle studying too. It's gonna be tough doing that but i want want want want that. I can't do one thing at a time.I don't like having free time on my hands. I like being pressed for time.

I like running to keep up and get ahead.

I'm still weighing my options. Gonna apply for Deloitte this time. KPMG didn't want me. It was very disappointing but i've gotten over it. The truth is i wasn't very passionate bout the job. I'm not sure if it's due to the total lack of work knowledge or what not.

At this mo i need to do more thinking before i take my next step.

2009-05-20T15:49:00.002+08:00

i don't feel too well.

nothing ice cream could not cure but the Cornetto failed miserably and i am left miserable still.

Oh goodnesss. What am i to do?

Feeling not quite right and reading academic journals make my eyelids weigh a ton.
Oh help.

I fell asleep. That was earlier on. Then after lunch i attempted again and i again fell asleep. Oh my.
Am i ever to complete my task?

I hope tmr's second interview turns out well. I need a job. Desperately in need of one.

A long overdue post..

2009-05-18T11:16:00.001+08:00

I am done with Marcus Evans. I quit yesterday. I handed in my resignation letter and it was all over. *yesterday being Wednesday 13th May 2009*

The one thing i would miss bout the place would be the people.
Definitely. Despite having been there for a mere three months I have somehow managed to be quite close to Hamidah for one. Lynthia loves me dearly too i'm sure lol... Imran said my energy will be missed haha...

And before i officially left... i downed one whole bottle of wine.
For fifty bucks. Lol. Well. It's not the money. The truth is i do want to know if i could take it.

The story went that i offered Max wine cos me, Hamidah and Michelle opened that bottle of wine
given to me by Esmael and we girls can't finish it and Mich dared me into offering it to Max.
I dun even know she thought i wouldnt but that's beside the point. The point is at that point of time i doubt we could finish the wine and well i offered it to both Arvind and Max.

Max told me to offer it to this other dude... then somehow.. he said that if i were to
finish it he would give me the money. Well, i took it up.

I drank it up like water. Omg. You bet i was tipsy couple of minutes down the line after the
alcohol has gotten into my blood stream. Oh hell i think i was drunk.

So anyway i got home safely despite it all no worries. Otherwise i would have stayed longer at the office.

Now i need to study for a test this coming Tuesday. Nay.. it's not Sime Darby.

It's KPMG this time round. I've applied for the tax division.
Me of all people. In the tax dept. Lol...

The question i wanna ask myself is who do i miss from Marcus Evans?
Everyone. Because it is wat makes the place great.

The job is really not my thing so i left but the people are amazing.

I need a miracle

2009-05-08T14:42:00.002+08:00

The day has been great. Went to the gym early morning for my combat class with Myke and then it was off for a facial. And i received a miss call.

Upon checking. It's from Sime Darby. For an interview for the management exec accounts position i applied for. Well... my finance results has been sucky in my final year and i applied for accounting aja la...

The recruiter told me that i will have to take a test on FRS. Okay... Financial Reporting Standard. Shit. I'm an accounting student la. FRS means Finan Rep Stds.... Not Fun Roses and Sugar.

So... omg.....i'm Googling for info for my little revision before my interview next Tuesday. Omg.
I was checking for the Malaysia MICPA website and came upon the job... they offer to pay for further education and i thought doing my ACCA wouldn't hurt.. so i applied for the position.

I must ace the interview!! Must must must. Doubt i have done well for my IBM aptitude test so trying my luck elsewhere... and everywhere... it's so hot today eh... having my second helping of ice cream haha...

Have a nice day.

2009-04-27T23:51:00.002+08:00

I can't leave work cos everybody damn sayang me omg.

Today there's a marketing booking coming from this co which i've supposedly pitched and it's that stupid guy who insist to book from marketing who has booked la...

What a crush that was to me. So painful. Tears of frustration wtf. Seeing me so everybody have been really supportive, gave me advise and all... tips even...
Special thanks to Hamidah, Kenneth, Ismail Nabe and Esmael as usual... who handed me some leads. Everyone so nice... how to leave... i'll hang in there for as long as i can la eh..

2009-04-24T10:19:00.003+08:00

i smell trouble at the gym.

this PT is like asking me out.............. he tried for movie the last time. He told me all of his friends have got gfs so nobody to watch with him. What a reason eh.

Yesterday he asked if i wanna go eat after gym and i told him i'm tired. Really i was. And i wasn't driving and taking the train so i don't wanna leave too late so nay... Otherwise i wouldn't have said no since he has always been nice to accompany me. Yesterday i accompanied him a while la then tired d and it was near ten d... so must go home!

He actually seem a lil sad dat i had to leave early and asked me when he'll see me again. How i know la when i'm going go to the gym since i have to go to other gyms too...

Omg........

You know. Friends ok la. Nothing more man. What's happening? I'm always so confused. Thank god michael's no longer smsing me........phew. I didn't reply his smses and that ended it.

He's a malay btw. Not that i'm against dating across races and religions, it's just a fyi statement.
He smokes. That's one downside but if i do like him that is also beside the point.

But he's only a PT meaning he doesn't earn much and wouldn't earn too much. Now... no. Unless he is one of the top ones and he has a cuter face. Actually i have hots for the cuter one. Lol!

It's a little boring to be at the gym doing cardio and weights alone.... i need some company. That's why i've got that dude to accompany me but he's taking it all the wrong way sigh... I can be a lil misleading i know i know i know but but but............ now i know why people need bfs. Lol! Derek will laugh his head off listening to me man. Stupid derek but i so rarely see him these days... whatever la.. meeting up with colleague hamidah tmr for gym

Save Now

Baby

2009-04-22T23:53:00.002+08:00

Omg....... today it was business all the day business as in BUSYness...

In the morning i was buying stuff in MV d for Esmael's newborn Abdul Kareem... so cute la babies... I was having a hard time deciding what to buy as i was entrusted with four hundred bucks to spend on the gift.

i bought and i bought and i bought... and finished up the money.

Omg. I don't even feel like going into details. I am THAT lazy. What is happening to me?

Work is taking over my life. And i somehow think it's wrong for this to happen. And i'm lazy to even talk about it here. Damn. I can't blog. I'm lazy. OMG.

Thursday night

2009-04-16T23:46:00.002+08:00

I leave sharp 8 from work on Thursday nights to the gym. It's a routine that i would love to keep. I kinda wish i get to see those familiar faces like that malay-ex Mas cabin crew PT dude, Eugene and some other few dudes... Saw none of them. Saw this indian dude who has been checking me out since the first time i saw him though. He looks alright la. Quite young. Fit, muscular without being bulky.. big round eyes. First time i saw him he look kinda cute but second time round nay.. Not interested. Ok but nope.

There's one PT who's kinda cute. Dunno his name. Saw him at the reception area today as he took my card to sign me in. The receptionist was busy or something maybe i dunno... But in Sunway the PT wouldn't do the job if you ask me. I like the attention some of these dudes give me but really i'm not interested haha... Am i too picky for my own good?

Well... these guys all lack that something i need to commit... Reliability. Security. So so important to me since i'm ms paranoid, insecure and plain vulnerable at times.

Cos i'm still 22 so i don't bloody care if i'm single. I have enough on m hands. Work gym and friends already taken up all of my time. So unless some suitable dude comes up, you bet i wouldn't go out of my way for anyone haha. In fact i'm self sufficient as it is. All i need are my music and coffee and of course something to read hehe.

A promise

2009-04-10T19:23:00.002+08:00

Not one to eat my own words. As i have made a promise to Esmael during my interview i shall deliver it before i give leaving another thought. I must at least attain my senior ship by closing another 6 to 7 deals first.

I told him that i will be committed. Though i lose focus at job at times due to my easily distracted mind... i do try my best alright. I do. I won't walk away a Loser whatever it takes... haha...

You set a goal and you work towards it. Life's simple. Don't complicate things.

I think i'm getting better with the phone. I can be real good when applying urgency on incentive days wtf. Incentive days mean 20% commission wtf!! But i've sealed a deal on any of those days i'm so sad and deeply depressed bout it. Lol... I hate myself at times. For not being very damn good at this so that i can make loads of money. Then i can go on a vacation or retire early so that i can do some business myself.

You know what i want... I want a cafe. A comfy lil place to kick back and to enjoy that cuppa whatever you enjoy and nibble on pastries and biscotti reading that book in your hand or just chatting away with a friends. So nice!!

Dream. A dream till its realized.

Let me know if any of you wanna go for the Kl Standard Chartered marathon yeah. I'm going for either 10K or 21Km. Not confirmed yet... dunno..

I actually gotta work after the run darling. Gonna have to rush to Lot 10 for shower then off to work at 1130.

Opposites

2009-04-03T22:03:00.003+08:00

First, i would like to shout out loud that...

opposites do NOT necessarily attract.

This guy at work is currently giving me some probs. I think he likes me. Like wth. Please don't.
There have two instances that he helped me out and i really appreciated it. But hey. I thought guys are always helping out the us girls anyways. So??!

So i lunched with him last Thurs. Colleague wat. Just the two of us. So? Big deal?

So i went out for a movie with him today. Surely he doesn't see it as a date?!

If that's what he thought it is i am so doomed.

I went cos i didn't know how to say no. I told him i don't find any movies interesting. He begged to differ pulak. Sigh oh sigh.

I think i'm gonna die.

And today i've tried my utmost best to tell him that we are very different. Like, i made it a point to tell him that i like reading. Cos i doubt he does. He doesn't. Thank god. I made it a point to tell him that i like smart guys. And..... i made it a point to tell him loads of other things.

Yet. Yet. He sent me this message...

Reached home dee? Hey... our meeting jz now was simple & nice and i'm truly hapy abt it. Hv a fruitful research hv a nice weekend! ^^

Oh my goodness. Surely. Surely. He doesn't like me eh?

I am so in fear right now. Like really damn scared.

How am i suppose to tell him that i am not at all attracted by him?

Physical attraction zero. He even wears the shade of purple which i hate most. He likes working out at home. He has this V body. Not nice... Usually i do like it but on him it's plain wrong. And today walking by his side, his chest brushed against my arm or something and omg......... i feel damn disgusted. I am so mean eh? Ya. Somebody curse me to death.

I am such a horrible person i know to say such things but the truth is he is such a turn off to me and i can't bear spending time with him. Please somebody help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Twins

2009-03-28T10:49:00.003+08:00

Something which i've read while doing my lead research... Driven by an innate curiosity i click on everything which interests me and that is so time consuming omg... lol.. So somehow i came to visit this page.

Attention:

Please note that the matters expressed here are NOT endorsed by the Official Saudi Religious Scholars, but are merely presented as suggestions made by the medical teams.

Are conjoined twins considered to be one person or two people?
Is the request of their parents to separate them enough reason to proceed with surgery?
What is considered to be the highest acceptable medical risk when separating twins?
Should a weaker or life-threatened twin be sacrificed in order to save the life of the stronger twin?

Accepted Medical Policy:

In the case of two complete twins, each of which has the full complement of vital organs (brain, heart, lungs, etc.) the sacrifice of one twin is not medically permitted. When a parasitic twin is present which endangers the life of the complete twin, the parasitic twin can be removed to allow the complete twin to live.

Questions about Personhood:

Two complete conjoined twins: Each of these twins has all vital organs. They are considered to be two persons and would be good candidates for separation.
Semi-complete conjoined twins: These twins have separate heads and hearts and share other bodily organs such as a pair of legs, a kidney or the liver. They, too, are considered to be two persons and may be separated.
Incomplete conjoined twins: Dicephalic twins (where two heads grow from the shoulders of one body) are not considered to be safely separable, even though they are two people, so they must live life as a unity.
Parasitic twins: In some cases of conjoined twins, one baby is born completely developed and viable, and the other twin is incomplete to the degree that it will die when separated from its sibling. Often a parasitic twin has no brain or only a rudimentary nervous system, or it may appear - externally or internally - as additional limbs or organs and so may be removed.

Experimental Operations:

Thermal coagulation can be used to atrophy a parasitic twin in the womb.
In critical cases, separation of a parasitic twin from a healthy twin can be performed in the delivery room before the umbilical cord is cut.

Questions about Conjoined Twins and Abortion:

How soon can conjoined twins be diagnosed?
Is it possible to abort conjoined twins in the first trimester of pregnancy?
What steps are taken in the decision whether or not to abort conjoined twins?
What are the religious opinions of the parents about abortion?
Is abortion legally permitted in the parents' country?

Accepted Medical Policy:

If, by the tenth week of pregnancy, medical diagnosis confirms that conjoined twins have severe congenital defects which are incompatible with normal life and health, the most humane choice for the mother, other relatives and the twins themselves is considered to be early abortion.

Obtained from here

Talking

2009-03-27T21:23:00.002+08:00

I am not sure bout you but pouring it out is everything to me. I was stucked in a jam today and calling Sookie was really useful to just blah it out to vent out my pent up frustration. That helped quite a bit. I got into Bukit bintang. Then i missed the turn into the parking and wtf got trapped in another jam. It was so frustrating that i broke down in tears in my car believe it or not. I dunno. I can't do it anymore this time. I don't want to do it. I wanna give up. There are times i wanna do just that. To not want to hold on anymore and just give in to whatever like i care wtf.

I said wtf, fuck, fucking so many times in my car today i think i've lost it. Once upon a time i was actually rather patient with whatever ya know... more tolerant... recently... i've grown easily irritated, frustrated and plain stressed out. I nearly walked myself into an accident crossing the street yesterday morning. That was stupid. I shouldn't have turned up the volume of my mp3 quite as high, so much so that i hear nothing my music aside. But i was trying to numb the pain inside. The pain of... what was the source of my pain?

I can't remember.

Perhaps it's not all that important then.

That's why i can't recall.

I saw Eugene at the Lot 10 gym. I can remember remember his name. He has no memory of mine. In fact he thought my name has an S in it and started guessing some names. All wrong. He turned to ask the Pt my name. The PT knows my name la duh... as within minutes of being there i've already spoken to one PT. Given the time and increased frequency of me visiting the gym there... i think the whole gym's gonna know my name pretty soon. But maybe not. Maybe this time i just wanna go gym and do my own thing and not be know. Just me. Only me.

These days i find it more and more important to talk. To do just that. I don't wanna catch a movie. I don't want to skate.. to do this.. to do that... I'm deprived of honest talks. And this deprivation of it is driving me insane. I find it hard to open up to just anybody actually.. despite what others think of me... I don't tell everybody everything..

many actually think that i am like that.

They say i give too much away... - too much info darling they always say.

But when i broke down and you saw me. Do you know the reason?

You guys simply said grow up.

What's the use of you telling me to grow up when i'm still a child inside and i know nuts bout growing up. You can't expect me to grow up by saying that one line. Fatoumata took the time to talk to me. Hamidah too. These two are true gems. I love them. I know i worry a lot of people at the office. I know.

Once, this guy from the other team caught me sitting on the stairway and he was on the other stairs as he was smoking and he made hand signs telling me to stay put and he will come over cos i made hand signs telling him that i wanna jump off the building. It was one of those days i feel stressed out. It was very nice of him la really... Being one of the youngest in the office everybody's quite caring towards me. I'm like the baby ;p

You know... when i'm moderately stressed out i always like my teh tarik and tosai or that green tea latte from Starbucks i love... When i'm really stressed out i like my coffee black with biscotti, scone or something buttery, crunchy to chew... soft cookie wouldn't hurt either...

When i'm not stressed out i have difficulties deciding on my drink. Lol.

This day forth, i'm gonna take the advice given to me by my mentors at work.

Stop looking at the problems, look at the opportunities!

Workplace is a place where you should be professional. You're here to make some money.

And i should really stop thinking bout resigning and focus on doing this work i'm doing and to do it well before i even give leaving a thought.

Now.. i'm gonna go read a little on sales techniques.. Have a nice day.

2009-03-26T23:33:00.002+08:00

Hamidah's right. Why do i complicate things so much... and so emo all the time...

I should just focus on my work and get things done. Pitch well. Close the deals. That's all.
Why do i think of stuff like job satisfaction and meanings... tsk tsk...

Sometimes i think i'm wasting my time doing something stupid. Yet people around me, those telling me that this job can shape you... turn me into someone stronger and better are right. I know they are. So i'm gonna be staying at this job till the right time comes... or perhaps i'll simply do it for as long as i know... i dunno... A lot remains unknown at the mo.

Today after work i went to gym... hehe so nice...

The new gym at Lot 10 is quite cool.. just that the machines are so packed together... and guys take up so much space haha!

I see no girls at the machines and free weights area... i seem to be the only female interested in doing some light weights... I was in my own world with my ear phones and music hehe... Dunno why but i was quite comfortable with everything like i can't be bothered despite wearing sports bra today haha!

I've got work to do.. can't talk no more.

If anything

2009-03-21T22:11:00.003+08:00

it has gotten worse after the meet up with the gang in the late afternoon. I don't know why i bother. I thought it's gonna be a good opportunity to actually open up and have people to talk to and discuss my probs but nay... it wasn't such and not meant to be. Through out i wasn't interested to really talk cos i believe wats in my head nobody actually care cos its not entertaining. I'm not keen on small talk, light stuff, anything meaningless funny which i am likely to engage to at other times. Vaitea wondered why i cannot do light talk but only dead serious topics on the economy, motivation and work.

Dear, right now, that's all i have on my mind and till i have my answers it's hard for me to move on. People never care to understand nor can they be bothered to so i ended up walking away and leaving for home before dinner. I can't do it anymore. It's stupid to waste my time like that. I can do so much better. They can be so much better yet none can be bothered to take the time and really i don't want to have to fake another smile, another laugh. I am tired.

I. Once home i had 2 sessions of binge eating. It's depressing. I am not angry. just depressed. It's really so tough to get down talking to someone, anyone... i give up. I'm just gonna clam up man.

The truth is

2009-03-13T22:49:00.003+08:00

i am lost. As lost as i can be.

But everyone at work knows i'm forever lost so no questions there haha...

For those clueless ones, i'm currently working at Marcus Evans doing telesales selling conferences/trainings to companies from the Middle East.. mainly Saudi, Qatar, Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman and UAE.

I make 100 over phone calls at least...

I am quite happy with my job as i have really fun colleagues to lame it out with. let me provide you with a summary of my team.

We are one of the tops in the middle east division really... like omg... i didn't know... haha...

Let's start with Arvind cos he's the one who called me for the interview.

Arvind is the most unassuming person i've met in the co. Despite his size he sounds so damn macho on the phone, like some sorta big shot... he bosses those small potatoes about and close his deals and all... He's one of the top earners at the co.

Next, Esmael my sales director. I sit on his left. He's very moody. In fact, most people at the co can be pretty moody. Understandable given the stress level. When it gets unbearable people go for their smoke while i go for fresh air.

Esmael's a pretty nice dude boss when he's in the happy mood with no dark clouds on his head. When he's in the mood he likes to joke and disturb me and everybody else...

On his right is Ira. Ira has two kids and talks dirty for fun. She's cool. She has a few kids. Single mum. Strong. Loves R&B music.

Zulkiflee who's always in a jolly good mood and high spirits. Like the dude. Everybody except for me calls him Zul. I do the name in full cos it sounds so good!

Ashvin. The big guy. He's a futsal coach believe it or not and he's very good with sales pitch.

Manpreet's been with Shangrila for 11 years and she's real good with talking as well... she's really polite and all... Newly wed.

The other newly wed Fatoumata Nabe from Papua New Guinea... my team leader. She's social queen and very driven. Both Fatoumata and Esmael takes good care of us newbies and me esp since i'm the fresh grad with zero experience ;p

But well everybody damn jaga me cos i'm so the blur.

Next up hamidah who's really quite fair for malay. Ash calls her Britney cos they all call me Paris for my dumb blonde jokes and stupidity. She gyms too and we're gonna gym together when the one at Lot 10 opens hehe.

We also have Sundar the Bollywood king who hails from India. He's quite the chauvinist if you ask me. He likes my lame jokes and is infected himself to try cracking one or two at times.

Then there's Han who sits next to me. The engineering dude from TAR and calls Perak his home. He doesn't talk to me cos i talk waaaaaaay too much. Good for him. He needs 3 deals to confirm. All the best to him. Don't want him resigning without achieving what he has set out to do.

Last there is Muaz the stoner. I call him Mr Stone cos he stones a lot. I call Arvind Spiderman. I like giving nicks to people hehe.

The one other important person would be Max the GM of Middle east division. He's really cool but too old for my taste haha. I don't really have time to talk to other people really... but i know everybody else nearby are all ears when i talk haha.. cos i'm just so lame funny.

I was talking to Han one day and this African dude turned to say...

I've been listening to you talk for the past 20 minutes or so and i am trying so hard to NOT laugh! Lol...

You know... you cannot not laugh when i want to make you laugh... you might as well just give in adn laugh! Lol. Han likes to play ignore with me but he can't stand it at times and have to smile too k... i am very good at being funny. Haha.. why the hell am i so proud. I don't get money from this geez. I am so good at it. I told the rest i should have a show of my own and they all laughed wtf.

This week i brought in four delegates and rang the bell four times and well.. i think i have their attention. As if i have not already done so haha..

Everybody at work loves me. I love them all too. Though there are few worries on my head... Like how long can i do this... if i'm not real good at it by my second month here i think i might leave.

I once said that if i don't get a single deal within my first month i would leave. I was lucky. That dude has some credit thingy he bought earlier and so he used it.. I so happen to be calling him and i have four delegates. I am now a confirmed staff. No commission there cos he didn't pay cash but i got confirmed within a month.

Wish granted. Now i need another 5 deals for senior ship. 5 more.

I am still wondering how i learn to talk like a Filipino so convincingly that Filipino guy thought i'm a Filipino for real........................ i dunno. laughs.

And i dunno why i've applied for Middle east instead of Asia pacific division. I think i've chose right as far as i'm concerned. We have less chinese here but it's more lively over here.

Can people stop pairing me up with every other chinese guy in the office simply because i'm single. The down side of being single. Otherwise i love the no need for commitment and total freedom ;) I really have so little time to myself these days i can't imagine giving the rest of my time to another someone really.. unless he's really the right one. Otherwise please don't waste my time la. It's real precious ok. I like to nap at home on Friday cos it's my off day along with Saturday. I'm off on Fris and Sats and work Sunday-Thurs 1130am to 830pm.

We work the middle east hours man............................ oh yeah baby.

more next time...

NYE 08

2009-01-01T19:54:00.002+08:00

NYE had been great. It was quite tiring yes but well better than rotting away ;p

I started my day at the market getting the chicken for dinner and more tomatoes and french beans for the popiah.

Yesterday was the day i acted like a hero at Giant. I hand carried 2 watermelons, 2 packs of flour 1kg each another packet of 1kg sugar and a tub of ice-cream.

It was too much hassle to get a trolley after abandoning my trolley to get into the narrow lane of the express counter so i just carried them all with my bare hands haha...

To me, it's zero or hero. Which explains why i'm always either zero or hero. Mostly zeros with some hero moments... me...

I'm a hero. Lol...

I'm a hero...

Because i've never done anything beyond 10K before doing a full marathon.

For carrying two watermelons, 99cents per kg... and each roughly 7 bucks... so dat means... 7kg?
(7*2) + 2 + 1 + 0.5 (ice cream) =17.5 kg

Still ok la i suppose...

For doing most of the cooking for lunch and dinner with Leech's help ;)
Popiah for lunch and rice for dinner.

After dinner at Leech's went over to Sookie's to join her for the countdown at the park near 1U.
It was fun lying down there on the grass watching as fireworks threaten to fall on us. It was raining fireworks that night! Crazy awesome. I actually got some stuff into my eye. Thank god for tears. Lol..

We took some crazy pics with me giving the ideas for the pose mostly haha... and saw Jeremy even. Saw Mun Jones first. They are like best buds so i somehow knew that J's might be there and spotted him soon. I'm such a genius. Now i don't have to meet up with him d haha. Saw his face job done. It's not like he cares anyway but i thought it necessary to at least see his muka after a year he has been away in Aust. I do appreciate friends you see...

I'm not the kind who casually say things like 'i miss you' without meaning it. This means i say it less often but when i do, you know it's words true from my heart and not for the sake of saying it aja. I can be indeed be quite serious and severe at times :P

After the fireworks it was back at Sookie's for some wine. I downed mine fast as usual and got a little light headed real soon and was speaking mumbo jumbo irrelevant nonsense haha... but do trust me when i tell you that i still make sense! Lol... Everyone was happy and high... not as high as me but well happy all the same...

Love you sookie ;D

Job?

2008-12-24T17:49:00.002+08:00

I'm so confused of what i want out of a job, money aside.

Satisfaction from a work well done?

Well, that's a little too general i think... i should try to narrow it down a bit.
Erm...

Meeting people
Colleagues i look forward to seeing each day
I wish i don't have to be sitting at my desk all day long

I've even given location a thought... it's either KL or Damansara.
It has to be near a gym or Camp5 ;D

That would be just great! I sometimes lead my life as if it's a dream and with my dreams coming true haha... A challenging job would be fine though if given a mundane job i'm sure i'll find way to spice it up to suit my tastes ;p

I think any job will be fine for a fresh grad since they are blank canvases to begin with.

2008-12-17T17:54:00.002+08:00

It's so stupid to trust at times. So stupid to wanna trust and just so stupid to trust. There are times where i wish i didn't trust but instead make damn sure myself that things go smoothly. Being dependent can lead to multiple failures, disappointments and frustrations. The self-blame after can also be very damaging.

Forget it forget it forget it.

I can do it myself. Tomorrow i shall set about locating both Core zone and Nomad adventure. I'll either drive or take the public transport. Bro drove today and he was tired so i didn't want him to look anymore. He told me kinda know where it is so i thought he does and didn't draw out the map... somehow this evening he didn't know pulak.

I hate myself for not knowing. For not drawing out a rough map as a guide. For depending. For trusting. For everything which has happened. I have myself to blame. It's nobody's fault. The fault is mine. As always. As usual. Sigh...

---

Woon mei told me she wants to change her image. Be less chinese.

Huh?

Like how??

I am really no fashion consultant. I go with whatever i like at the moment. And at the moment i just wanna be laid back and relaxed. I'm on the look out for a pair of leather sandals. I saw this pair online... custom made to order... all the way from Hawaii.. costing $165 per pair... Nice... it looks really comfy, just the thing i've wanted but out of budget. Too much to pair for a pair of sandals!

Anyway... i'm a proud Asian so to be less Chinese is just wrong... if i can afford them Cheongsam inspired tops i wouldn't mind pairing them with my jeans haha.. if only i have the money to get them tailor made! So cun!

I don't have what it takes to carry a cheongsam, too fat. Keep binge eating some more and i can so die... but what to do... bad habit... keep doing it when i'm feeling down. Sigh oh sigh.

Bad bad.

Get a grip girl!

Ah yes. Shall be strong.

2008-12-09T15:34:00.002+08:00

DO you know. I bet you don't.

Only 15% of the marathon finishers are female?

I'm proud to be one of them.

There are so many people whom i wanna thank. It's really nice to see friendly people around.
Even buying shoes at Climb Asia was a pleasure as they were so really warm. It's cos we all share a passion for running and enjoys climbing which makes for easy conversations.

Nice having people with common interests. My parents aren't very supportive of me doing sports. Dad cares too much bout his money. Mum thinks i'm tomboy enough. It saddens me yet it toughens me.

On Sunday morning. I left the hostel for the Padang and i realised 5 minutes down the road that i've forgotten my bib and thus i ran back. Guess what. 3 dogs gave chase. I heard barking sounds and turn to see three dogs running after me.

I believe them to be German Shepherds/Alsatians. They were big alright. Imagine the fear i felt!

In my head- Shit. I'm so dead. One bite and i can't go for the marathon. Wth i might even die.

So i stopped dead in my tracks. Waved my handphone with the light on and voiced out a stern NO.

They paused. Turned back and left.

I believe that i was very brave. I was very brave. I'm really proud of myself. So proud.

Said enough d la... can't possibly detail every single happening. The countless wrong turns i took... landing at wrong MRT stations... and stuff... buying one-way mrt tickets and not using them cos i have the EZ card... i'm so dumb...

AT YMCA i have 3 other room mates. One from HK, one American and one Aussie. That's bout it. Gonna set about doing other stuff. Peace.

Singapore Marathon 2008

2008-12-09T10:45:00.002+08:00

Think i'll start an outdoor running freak blog soon ;)

Loved the marathon now that it has ended.

First 10km- Fantastic. Saw lots of guys stopping and easing themselves on the streets... Behind trees and all... damn funny... Or was i so tired i was seeing things?? Lol. Think not.

Didn't see any fellow Monash-ians. Wonder where they are... chose to run behind this uncle and his teenager apprentice... Followed them a bit and lost them after 2 water stations. Continued alone... sad... lol... soon tagged another big guy so that i don't have to go against the wind. He acts as a windshield haha...

Had a power gel somewhere here... First one- Tri-berry- tastes like Ribena pudding.

Next 20km still going good...

Another power gel - Double latte. Oh cafein. Not as thick as the GU gel. Thank god.

Hi-fived two fellow monashians. Thank god! I do not know them but man i was awashed with relief and jog. Followed them a bit but man it was getting hard to keep up with these two. We then saw this other girl from Monash as well... Her knees hurting but still she continued!

Lacking motivation towards 24th km, thank god my favorite songs came on. That gave me strength to power up and moved on... singing... Hey everybody, it's just a party and if you feel it, come move your body, hey everybody come on come on...

To the supporters cheering us on in front of the closed bicycle rental shop:

Hey darling, can i rent a bike please... (smiling smiling...)

Orange sunburst at 26 or 27th km. Oh... i like the taste of this one...

The 29 km mark

To the guy holding this particular placard displaying the distance:

With a smile i said: Surely you've made a mistake! I'm sure this is 30 km ALREADY! A few fellow runners turned to stare at me lol... Crazy girl...

30km. The last 12km or so!! But it was hell i tell you... Your legs took such a beating already by now and even your butt starts complaining!!

Awful awful pain... but still we persevered. Will power baby!
With the sun down on us... we looked up the sky for a little show of mercy to no avail and prayed for strength to go on...

I neeed a reason a reason to continue.......... i need something... need to see beyond the pain to something more. The end perhaps. In this seemingly endless journey we stretched on the roadside.... we walked when we can no longer run... we jogged still more... we walk... we jogged... oh goodness.

Thoughts to myself throughout the marathon... and motivational self talk:

Labor is bound to be more painful. What is this pain? You call this pain? Don't be a baby. Carry on girl carry on!!

When i don't see the point of running i did a self-check.

Are you in pain? No.
Are you tired? No.

Then what are you waiting for?!! Run girl run!!

Don't ever give yourself a reason to stop unless you necessarily need to.

When i feel like i'm out of control i do my breathing mantra...

Breathe in 3-2-1... breathe out 2-1.

I WANNA SAY THANK YOU TO GARETH!!!!!!!! thanked him already but so want to thank him over and over again for accompanying me through those last few torturous kilometers.

His name was the only name i can remember. Another Monash Alumni. I was one of the two or 3 girls who did the full marathon in Team Monash. In fact, i'm part of the 15% of the female full marathon finishers~!! Lol. Salute me. Haha...

After the run... it was all good... had a massage at the Monash marquee even! Lunch was provided. Monash should btw. We wore their tees... free advertisement!

to be cont......... lunch break now. lol.. eat... see why i nver lose weight?? haha

Dead

2008-12-06T06:02:00.002+08:00

I've only slept bout 2 hours before waking up at 3am plus... sigh.. couldn't sleep! Too damn excited bout buying my rock shoes and tonight i might not sleep as well cos i'll be too excited bout the marathon. Oh i'm such a kiddo... excited over the smallest thing.

I'm torn between brands right now..

Bufo's the most affordable of the lot. A Czech brand. La Sportiva and Five-Ten are well established brands, having a history dating longer back... The former's Italian and the latter is American. So which shall it be?

I'm afraid i'll kill my first pair with poor footwork... i'm not sure... if it's real expensive i might try real hard to not kill it so that's a pro. But what happens if i can't help it? One poor shoe and a hole burnt in my pocket. So which should i pick?????????

Bufo is good value for its cost and reviews bout it have been good.
La Sportiva has got good shoes... undeniable... so many agree.
Five ten has got the style and rubber.

So darling which shall be your pick?

I'm lost. Haha... i'm very lost... gonna try to sms Kenneth and yushak and see what they think. Lol.

Love.

So excited!

2008-12-05T09:44:00.002+08:00

The marathon's gonna be fun hehe... and not to forget torturous... haha... i bought 3 packs of energy gel to refuel during the run...

Doubt they are tasty but had fun choosing the flavors anyway ;p
I bought... Orange... Tri-berry and Double Latte.

I'm wondering whther to get Buff now... those headwear... it's a tubular stretchy scarf which can be used as a bandanna, hairband etc. Pretty cool but acts more as a fashion accessory really. A hairband would be good but Buff's pretty expensive... selling at Rm79 at Core Zone. If i can get it cheaper elsewhere i may get it cos 80 is really a bit too much to be paying for a hairband.

I'm excited bout the Ben & Jerry ice cream fest too. Geee.... fat and sugar but heavenly!
Need to go check it out at Fort Canning. Read bout it on timeout Singapore online while net surfing. I'm going for Pumpkin Cheesecake, Vanilla Heath bars and... i dunno. So gonna change my mind!!

The triple caramel chunk sounded yummy... but there's the Butter Pecan as well and i'm so in a dilemma! I'll need my fix of mint choc chunk too.. and i wouldn't mind cherry garcia and Jamaican me crazy (pineapple & passionfruit) and perhaps strawberry banana wouldn't be a bad idea as well... Oh lord... i'm only gonna allow myself 3 scoops and you're killing me with dozens of flavors wth. The pains of living. Lol.

On the other hand...

I so need to get my rock shoes. Can't wait! I don't care if i spend all of my money on climbing equipment and save on eating haha... i can eat cheap who cares... lol... Yesterday i bought bottoms from Adidas cos they were on sale so it was worth it. Bought a 3quarter at 50bucks only k... And another black techfit long for 100 bucks. It fits like a dream and whoa i think i look 2 pounds lighter! Haha... Forgive me.

So within 30 minutes in Pyramid i spent near 200. Shit. Need to get a job soon or else my dad's gonna nag me day and night non stop and i would hate that.

I'm gonna have to start packing d... so so so looking forward to hopping on the bus and all the shopping which i'm gonna do haha. I'm a little shopaholic but wth i'm good for the economy. If there are more like me we won't be in a slump anytime alrighty. Now that reminds me i've not finished watching Sex and the City. Dl-ed it to watch...

I count myself lucky. To be able to do the things i want to and love despite facing walls, NOs and everything and whoever standing in the way. Now... all i need is more money haha. I need a job!
Need to pay back my dad for everything everything everything.......

Love. Cu in another 3 days.

CLimbing

2008-11-30T22:55:00.002+08:00

Sookie has posted hers so here's mine hehe...

I was late cos mum was late. Not really my fault and man was it stressful getting to Camp5 that morning as i ran cross the road and i so nearly ran up 5 flights of stairs if not because the lift was available. I would if i need to. Plus well... i don't really mind it.

Once there saw Sookie quickly rushed up and saw our little group with instructor. Saw him before when i went with Yushak. it was a fun day as due to being in the morning i was a little blur and the sun wasn't at all helpful and damn i love our sand bag buddy haha....

We have each got a sand bag to practice our belaying skills on... and i er well... make quite a few of lame jokes for fun haha. The day turned out well, we learned the stuff, got more confident and i actually find the whole climbing thing easier this time. What to do.. i have to be better right... cos there were simply too many people around to mess up. I so hate being useless... such a bruise to my ego okay.

While climbing i kept reminding myself...

Relax chill chill... take it slow... like a puzzle you shall figure out the steps... the routes are after all set out to be solved eh... No problem you can do this.

Climbing is like many other things in life. Take slow deliberate movements if you must, never rush into taking a step you will regret... and make it graceful haha... make it seem effortless even. I like doing that. Like how i lifted that heavy box filled with my data entry forms... my mum thought it was light! Lol! It was quite heavy truth to be told but i carried it as if it was feather light.

Found out more bout the pacesetters. So the thing is... all i need to do is follow their pace and i can arrive at my targeted time yipeee!! I'll take the 5:30 you bet. The slowest available haha... That's still bout 8km per hour alright... it's my first marathon darling. I just want to finish it well. I still want to walk after the marathon and i want to complete it. I desperately want to.

If you want it bad enough you may just get it.

And everyone's talking bout power gels and refueling options my god... Gee... i think i ought to get one myself and keep it in my back pocket... there's a zipper no worries.. that's the only pocket i have... water wise i believe the organisers will provide enough as i really dislike running with too much gear and misc items with me. It's free run for me. I doubt i can even stand a iPod nano... that's why it's clip on shuffle for me...

K... gotta get busy and start reading up on power gels... been reading up on climbing quite a bit cos i just can't seem to get enough of it oh baby!

Ta. Love. Hope eeveryone's having a great time like me. Love.

P.S. If you want that waffle box from Nike let me know ya... i'm asking Nic to save a box or two for me haha.. it's so cute... like a mini pizza box haha... Saw it today at Pyramid and man it's cute!
Promised Nic i'll buy him real waffles for the boxes. Silly silly.

2008-11-28T22:11:00.002+08:00

A few things on my mind:

Standard chartered marathon on 7th dec
Malakoff 12 km run at Taman Rimba Kiara, TTDI on 21st Dec

For the second run.. the malakoff run...

12 km: registration Rm40 for 6km it's 15km.
If you're interested, entry form available on pacesetters site

If you're a Pacesetter member, it's only Rm10. Gonna join as member la me... can get 20% off New Balance stuff too... not bad what...

Kk... got stuff to do. Ta ta. Love.

2008-11-26T00:37:00.002+08:00

it's really such a small world. Turns out that i saw Yushak last Saturday at Damai already. Lol. Funny funny... so we have met. No wonder he looks familiar. He's a marketing and IB major. No way he's ever in my class. Okay... now i know.

Indoor climbing is really quite different and tough as i have not mastered the techniques yet... i keep depending on my upper body for strength to pull myself up... which is so wrong... and i find it hard to stick close to the wall as it is so vertical as compared to rock walls outdoors where you are practically kissing the rocks. I actually like that feeling. So close to nature.

This morning while on my long run i saw a kingfisher! Very pretty........... White chest. Super bright blue. Orange beak. Lovely. Just lovely. Saw it twice. Once in the park. The other time on when i was getting home... An hour plus run today.. rest tomorrow... another hour long session on Thursday. Oh run girl run!!!!!!!!

2008-11-25T00:27:00.002+08:00

Words written in anger was somehow all deleted by mistake. Oh stupid. Oh whatever. Should i repeat myself? I'm angry at someone for taking a hell of a time to reply messages on MSN. His reason? 6 windows and he types slow.

Is the reason valid?

If he thinks quite a while before typing and reads slow it is indeed valid.

Uh-huh. And so what if it's valid? You do not get angry?

I'm forgiving. I can be very forgiving. But it really depends on who what when.

This time i'm sorry. I can't be. I was in a good mood so i said hi and thought i'll do a lil chat but well.. it's alright. I drank water. I inhale exhale... listen to songs... i shall pick myself up soon. I removed him from friends group into 'other contacts'. I'm scary. At least i didn't block and delete right............... so kk.. i'm going climbing tmr at Camp5! Happy ;D

Climbing takes my mind away from everything else and i think doing it more often will definitely build mental strength. The never give up spirit.

2008-11-24T10:01:00.002+08:00

i want to go backpacking before i hit 30!!!!

lol.

So yeah.. i have a goal in mind. Something to motivate me to work and earn. I can get a loan from dad but don't want la.. i want to use my own money. Plus, i think i'm a little too naive and dumb to be traveling alone right now. Sure kena con one haha.

Life's good.

Dilemma

2008-11-23T10:59:00.002+08:00

It's my want. Our want. Her want. His want. Argh.

Stop pleasing others. If you don't wanna do it then don't. Can't you see it's stupid.

The only reason Derek wants me to be at his place is cos he's bored. I wasn't happy staying home and had wanted to go stay with him out of compulsion. On second thought lazy wei... i'm comfortable at home.

Leech can't do pole dancing cos her parent's won't allow her. I can and i want to. So do i go for both Latin and pole dance because of her? Do i enjoy Latin? Er well... its okay i suppose but why do i want to do so many dances at one go? Two classes a week? Not that i don't have the time... but money is an issue. I want to be spending money on stuff i actually want and love to do.

Is this social expenditure?

I don't even call it entertainment expenses.

Sigh.

What do i do?

Do watever u want to do.

And do you know yoga is haram??

My first reaction was one of surprise and shock but since i'm a chinese buddhist pulak tu... it doesn't affect me one bit so nay i don't care. I'm not governed by these rules. When rules provoke rebellious behavior and actions it's counterproductive.

Climb

2008-11-22T16:47:00.002+08:00

I went rock climbing at Batu Caves this morning. OMG, it's tough. Lol!

What did i expect?? Easy?? I dunno... but even looking at it all it doesn't seem very daunting ya know.. but when u are high up there, you are struggling to find the next hand hold... Where do i put my hand to get up?? What of my feet???

So much thinking to do. It is indeed thinking on your feet. And it was tiring. Lol. I suppose it gets more relaxing with time.

I was sticking so close to the walls of the cave that i can smell the ground as there was some vegetation on it... it actually felt kinda good... haha.. but well i couldn't stay there long as i was running out of strength.. gotta climb on up baby!

Now..

I can't wait to get my rock shoes and harness. No need to buy rope and such as i'm gonna be climbing with them... A rope costs like five-six hundred bucks at least k... Wai Meng has ropes hehe... Siu too... So there's no need for me to buy them, can just chip in a little yay!

Gonna get them all from Spore since they said Msia is expensive... anybody know where in spore i can get em let me know ya... tq.........

Sexy Abs

2008-11-21T09:27:00.001+08:00

Hottest Hunks 08/09

click for photos

2008-11-20T10:34:00.002+08:00

I think i have near 100 drafts in my blog saved unpublished... sometimes i'm just to lazy to tie the ends to publish, other times i'm in a rush to leave. I X-ed the window and leaves.

Who cares bout unpublished posts?

Nobody. Cos who knows bout them?

Who then cares bout unspoken thoughts? Again no one.

I shall stop wasting time and do some productive reading. I thought People of Paper is to be a light read but nay... more like lunch than snack. Reminds me of Sophie's World where the writer is in control and watching the characters he has created...something like that...

Moving on to a classic... The Old Curiosity Shop by Dickens. And i have Parsons next in line with Stories we Could Tell. Perhaps i'll pick up that book on fairy tales and finish it up too. I'm just freaking idle.

And online i'm reading Women's health, Men's health, allure.com, Runner's world and playing with Dereka in Pet's Society. Replying emails and messages.

I think i need a part time. Must so ask Nic d.. i need a job. Anything. I just don't want to be sitting down anymore. It's sickening. But well everything has got to wait till next week... Got a few books to finish first... and i want to be really sick of being home to appreciate every single thing outside...lol... sicko.

I think

2008-11-19T16:49:00.002+08:00

i'll do an even pace run for my marathon. I don't want to be taking too long and i think i can do it.

If it's slow run i can last quite a while...

My only complain now is that my knees still hurt. I really miss running! I have runner's knees. Nothing but pain when i run. Though i still tried Tuesday morning. Ignored the pain and ran 45 minutes nonetheless. The pain lessened after a while. I get that nagging worries at the back of my head but i know i must run run run and run did i.

Oh stupidity.

Neways gotten more info on the pole dancing classes.

The standard package's Rm160 for 4 classes.

Rm300 for 8 classes (37.5 per class)

Rm430 for 12 classes (35.83 per class)

I think i'll take the 8 classes package.

And... the DJ branch class is currently full. Next intake would be Dec/Jan. Hartamas full on certain days so must contact her and they have multiple instructors for the multiple branches. Think i'll try out the Taman Desa branch since it's the nearest to my place ;)

Coolies... abs fab! If i do good i' so getting a pole in my future home haha! i love me.

Kill me

2008-11-15T11:10:00.002+08:00

Mum told me to take up dance classes.

My choice?

Pole dancing.

For obvious reasons. No. Not to turn into some sorta sex kitten la you dong. It's because i'd like it to be physically challenging or else i might get bored and give up. What can be more perfect?

I believe mum wants me to do ballroom dancing, rhumba and that sorta thing but i'm not that sorta girl. And please... i suck at hip hop... break dancing should be fun too...

If yesterday i was sad today i'm picking myself up again. Ah well, life goes on... when you think others are treating you like shit, walk on walk away from them. I was thinking last night and i thought wouldn't it be nice if i a little more masculine......guys tend to be colder or they seem to be... not so easily affected by emotions. I wish to be stronger better in every way.

*don't say you love me, you don't even know me... if you really want me then give me some time* M2M

Their voices are so sweet... soothing...nya..

Mum agreed to me doing pole dancing. She simply dislike the idea of me lifting weights at the gym. She's oh so fine with me doing everything else really. Good. Now i need to find a dance studio... found two... will check them out soon ;D if you wanna join me let me know ;)

Frustration

2008-11-15T00:34:00.002+08:00

Angry at Pinky.

Her birthday and she has the guts to NOT be punctual. It's obviously raining... since 5plus and we all know that rain = jam. And you being the hostess... late. I waited for 45 minutes and i gave up on her. Forget her birthday.

I was tired frustrated angry. Bad combination of mood. I felt lousy. Left after having a frapp at Starbucks. That was dinner. Supper was herbal tea eggs. A strawberry. Some vegetable.

I've had a bad day. Pet society in Facebook is fun. Tmr i'm taking a break from gym i think. Maybe.

2008-11-14T09:32:00.002+08:00

2 oranges.
2 bowls of green been tong sui.

Breakfast was okay... i did not over consume... Washed the dishes. Read Dilbert.
Fell asleep. Lol...

I woke up at 5 plus am darling.. so a nap at 8 plus is really expected... lol..

My plan for today...

Bake fruitcakes (Christmas prep)

Cook lunch.

Cont with my book reading... and to leave house at 5 sharp. Gym. Birthday party. Gym. Sleep.
Another simple day.

Come Saturday i wanna go for Ee Jeck's class.

I once again narrowed down the people whom i'll miss.
Ee Jeck. Myke. Yvette.

Where once going to the gym makes me happy it makes me sad now and sometimes i'm just so reluctant to go if not for aforementioned few.

Bryan's such a bitch. I so wanna tell everyone but how could i?

It's okay i finally realise... i can bitch bout him to those who do not know him but to do so to people who actually know him is kinda mean...

2008-11-13T22:48:00.002+08:00

When i was leaving the gym i asked Haikal where's Amin. I was told he has left. Where to? FF perhaps... not sure. Okay...

I acted as if i couldn't care less but i was angry... He didn't tell me. He didn't he didn't he didn't.

Driving home i wasn't happy... cos he didn't tell me.

Right now my mood's better. Checked my mail... someone offered to do climbing with me ;)
Some guy called Kenneth. From the name i bet he's not good looking. Lol.. i judge by names even!! Lol... but i've agreed anyway... cos i only have Sookie and i need back up in case i fall in love with climbing...

And i'm also joining white water rafting come end November with a bunch of strangers... It's not by choice that i do stuff with strangers sometimes... Friends are simply busy, not interested, busy still more... I told Derek the other day that he's a lousy friend. He admitted to it first. He can never be there when i need to talk. He keeps telling me that he wants to gym with me but well.. where is he now?

Nowhere to be seen.

Ya. He has got more important stuff to do. Like what? His nose job?

He didn't even do the SP thing last Monday cos he was busy with his visa application. He's not going this month after all.

I really don't want to have to like anybody anymore. Not even as friends. It's too much on me.

I saw Prabu in MV today.. he used to be a Fit Pro at the gym and he quitted to cont his studies so i found out today while talking to him. He passed me a name card even and told me to sms my contact to him. Have not done so cos i've been busy and now i'm lazy. Tmr la...

I never liked him. He's the dude who eats one whole regular pizza for a meal. The same dude to up Yasir's weights for the leg machine...

Tired now.....sleep time.

SO much on my mind...

2008-11-12T09:22:00.003+08:00

Really i don't know why i must ponder so long... such a simple decision.

To go or not to go Genting with the guys... maybe cos i don't really want to. But if i do go then i wouldn't have to crack myself to ask them out anymore. I don't like smsing everybody... i'm just so lazy when it comes to stuff like this.

Just found out from Sookie that she's not going so problem one solved. I'm not going too then! And i shall have pancakes for tmr breakfast......... craving for them.... dusted with sugar drizzled with syrup.....................................................................................................sugar sweet. Whoa. I love!

Then there's the Heart rate monitor vs Ipod nano vs Sports watch

I want to measure distance and time myself for my runs...

For HRM i would need a running one... and it'll set me back a little... 500-6oo at least...

Then the nano.. i'd need a nano... the 3rd gen one is cheap tho bulky... at 468 and the Nike+Ipod sport kit is bout 130 i think...

Pros and Cons

Assume price roughly the same...

HRM can measure heart rate. For music i have my trusty shuffle.
Less bulk. Doubles as a watch though i don't wear watches...

Ipod. I can organise playlists to suit my runs and mood. But no heart rate.

So therefore... assuming price roughly the same i'd go for the HRM. Seems wiser... but... i have yet to locate the store... eee...should so go today or tmr... so that i can tell Ee Jeck to buy it for me Thurs evening.

---------

Next on my mind:

People.

I'm reading The People of Paper but that's not the people i'm least concerned about.

People are all selfish to some extent so we ought to forgive them. Well... these days i look out for myself a little bit more... due to loads of stuff...

I saw Myke yesterday and teased him bout Sunday's Man Hunk contest... Found out that Sunny's going too! Hurray! And Sunny was beaming with pride when he told me that he was first gen winner wtf lol... Cute la him...

Bet it'll be fun come Sunday night! Who cares if the hunks are gays for goodness sake... it's the fun filled atmosphere which i most look forward to hehe...

Wanna thank Jeremy for recommending the movie last year.. i just watched it.. er.. this year... it took me one whole year but well i've finally watched it and it's really quite a good one..
Scent of a Woman. So good that i may rewatch to make sure i didn't miss any bits and the Colonel uses many terms which i find diff to comprehend... Stupid Liutenant.

I shall go do some reading now...

Before i do, let me tell you something...

Taj is gone! Replaced with this Nasi Kadar place... not open yet... KFC is down too... along with the chinese restaurant just opposite (Jade).

The whole place is gonna be very different and i'd dearly miss eating my Taj... Things change sigh oh sigh... Sad... Sadly...

when we walk away there's just so much that we are leaving behind.. yet you know there's more awaiting ahead so well... it's okay... it's okay...

Love.

Hunks??

2008-11-11T07:47:00.002+08:00

Gee im not sure... might join the party this saturday.. some Euphoria thing... cos Myke's gonna be there so i must go support a bit la... Actually somebody else asked me to go d last week but didn't want to go cos know nobody... but seems like i gotta make a trip there now haha...

Yesterday's SP session was really kinda boring. It would have better if stupid was there but he pulled out last minute to prep for his trip. Stupid. As usual, i was on the dot sharp on time... Changed into bro's black long tee as soon as i was there... it was the perfect tee with the words Pearl Jam over it haha... shorts and sandals...

So i was suffering from some sorta paranoia.... which requires me to be scared scared scared...

I was told that the police found you wandering outside the shopping mall... naked.. What were you doing? Why were you naked?

(i felt like laughing but i do the usual... i bite my lip to stop uncontrollable laughter and cont my act)

Cos he has bugged ALL of my clothes!! I can't let him know where i am... he will corner me and kill me!!

At this the doctor goes all sympathetic and ask me whether i feel okay now...

I feel quite safe now cos i don't think he'll come kill me in the hospital... he's a real professional...

Who is this guy?

It's my new neighbor... he's strange and he dresses as if he doesn't want others to notice him... Hat, shades and all...

How do you know he wants to kill you??

There have been so many signs to indicate this... Like the mark above my door... like someones trying to disguise a hole... I think he wants to plant a camera to spy on me....

The hangups to check if i'm home...

And... his car plat says so too! It's SFH. Shooter For Hire.

He has taken out a contract to kill me. I'm sure of that.

Try doing that at least 20 times and tell me if you aren't bored.

Monica thought i nailed the damsel in distress role damn well. Lol... But those doctors are so dumb to take up too much space... feel so cornered sometimes cos they stand so close wth.. Some even want to sit on the bed with me lo wth... Watever la as long as you keep your distance.

I somehow was paranoid in that sense... lol... i play my role quite well... so well that one guy told me not cry!! Wth............

Have i told you lately...

2008-11-09T17:14:00.002+08:00

lately i've not said much on my blog cos... well... i'm either tired or not up to blogging.

Listening to Pearl jam and Britney... pretty damn boring. Derek's leaving soon. Me i'm leaving gym soon. Think i'm gonna miss those people i came to know. Kinda. Not too sure. As usual... i would not like to miss anybody. What for? Missing others is one of the most ouchy things one can do yet inevitable. Oh well oh well... that's why i always strive to live life without regrets.

I'm gonna hve to move on sometime. You too. And so so... i try my best to spend time with those i care for and well... they say if you've tried and done everything then there shouldn't be any regrets. Well said. To not miss anything anyone, i always look forward to what's ahead.

Though however i think it's very human to look back reminisce a little... it's okay to do that... Feelings and emotions attached. Part of being human.

I've not gone crazy shopping cos not really in the mood to do so... Bought a jar of clay mask. Vaseline for runs... you apply it onto your skin to avoid chaffing. Did another 7.3km this morning. This time round it's more fun... i was quite motivated... Only walked briefly... bout a minute or two in teh entire run so i think i'm doing good. Kept my 10K pace i think...

Would like to get a watch... or maybe a heart rate monitor...

i wannna..

2008-11-05T21:02:00.002+08:00

After tomorrow 4.45 pm............ i'll be free.

So...

I wanna go gym. Have a nice dinner. Hang out with stupid Derek. Cos stupid him going to Hk soon so we gotta spend loads of time together before he goes off.

Gonna make a quick list of to do and get back to studying or die of regretting the hours wasted.

1. Give climbing a go. Sookie i need you. Lol... I'll definitely contact you soon you see.

2. Hang out with everybody loads...... i wanna go eat popcorn. Lol... and just have fun?

3. Voon wants to learn skating. I saw in her list. Me? Erm.. see la... most prolly would as well but it's so important as to have a place on my list. I want... i want to play ice hockey! Yeah right... nay.. joking...

3 years down the road i wanna do a Ironman. So yeah will have to brush up swimming...

4. I want a bike. Cycle loads...

5. Shopping. In fact i'm gonna start as soon as i put down my pens tomorrow evening!
I need to buy a mud mask... cos it's fun... and... i dunno... that tee which says "i'm not a nugget go vegan. It's a pic of a chick. Just stupid...

6. Waste my time Facebooking.

7. Watch TV. Borrow SATC from Derek... 5 more seasons... haha... might buy Will and Grace... erm... wat else... I'm not one to dl cos i'm just so lazy...

8. Run run run... .i hurt my knees again... They are recovering d... but this morning.. due to me not checking the exam venue... argh... so i was running from Building 2 to 9 la duh... wanted to run bare feet even cos was so desperate.

Saw Shawn at bulding 9. SO chilled. then i couldn't find my name...

Looking at those people entering into 9306 was strange...

In my head:

Surely i've not skipped SO many lectures eh... everyone so alien looking... i dun remember these faces my god... maybe one or two...

(Upon further thought, after the exams and all... they were MEDICAL students wtf! That explains a lot)

So right now my knees kinda hurt a bit from time to time when i walk.. and you know.. i got a 7.3km run this Sunday. Pray that my legs are good and up and running by then! Tomorrow i'm gonna keep it light at the gym... Will do some weights... for fun... wanna see Myke!

Would miss him dearly... but really... i have plans to join the gym again next year or something... Not the Sunway branch maybe... see la where i end up working...

Oh shit. Wasted enough time must run now!

Love.

A breakup

2008-11-03T20:30:00.003+08:00

I never know what to say to comfort others.

I say it out like it is.

He's dumb. I dislike dumb people. What's there to be sad over?

You know what's the lesson from this??
You... need... a ... LIFE. Things to do. Gym. Who told you to ditch gym? Studies? Those will keep you very busy.

He agreed.

Good.

Made it official through phone and he ate the bananas i brought. We soon left his place for coffee.
I'm not sure if it's me or it took him so long to realise it all... My presence always bring about action. Lol... He spoke to Jia ern for 3 hours on the phone. Endless talk with Kai Li. I think he looks up to me somehow. Erm... bad...

Personally i believe relationships ought to be simple yet i dunno how it cause so many so much agony but well... Like what Derek told me, stay out of it while you can. I agree. I would definitely have more freedom and less worries. I want to get a job with extensive traveling. I so hope to get some management consulting job at Accenture. If that fails, i'll figure something else... i dunno.

I want a job with good job prospects. Okay starting pay. It doesn't matter if i can't climb up high the ladder since your first job won't be your last. gain experience and go elsewhere la.. they say things like build your portfolio and such no? Lol.. i dunno... crapping...

2008-11-03T09:17:00.002+08:00

Having no experience of my own i really dunno how to comfort another who just broke up sigh... The first time we had coffee and all went well... the second quarrel we went for jap food. This time?

gee...

Oh lord, why do you have to do this? When i wanna stay home to study. I'm not blaming him but still... it would have been better if it's a couple days later.

I thought relationships are suppose to be the simplest things. What's the point of two humans getting together to create more headaches anyway... For some blissful love. What's next then?

Co-habitation.

But well... living together... you don't live together as in really live together with someone till you're old and into retirement cos well... each of us have got a life of our own. Career, family, friends eh? No? There's still so much other stuff going on... You only spend the last 20-40 years together officially... i dunno how together should couples stick together but i reckon strong glue together may do more bad than good...

The terry fox run was good... Despite me having to avoid the little kids cycling, roller blading and scootering about... just so i don't fall head over heels... It's a fun filled family day, not the sorta competitive thing i come to grow familiar with... We had milo, muffins and curry puffs after the run... I chose to only drink my water and milo though... Cos gonna have breakfast soon neways..

Ran a little too fast despite my left leg hurting a little and injuring my leg a little further... thus explaining why i can do nothing today. Sad.

2008-10-31T21:48:00.002+08:00

I've officially terminated my gym membership... can still go for another 15 days and i'll be done with gym. Will do other stuff instead... Running mostly... may get a bike too... and maybe practice my swimming and if i can get a climbing partner, the occasional climbing...

Loads of things to do outside the gym im sure!!

So gonna be darker haha... overexposure from the sun...

As i was standing at the reception, Steven has the guts to stand close by and talked to me lo... He asked for my name, bagi aja la... He thought i look familiar and asked for my full name. And well i simply ignored and i have a reason to do so...cos i was talking to the receptionist bout the membership termination thingy...

Why are you quitting the gym?

I'm bored of it.

I dunno i dunno i dunno. I can have gym buddies and talk to every instructor and personal trainer but i no longer want to be with any of them or talk to most of them. I've been meaning to ask Amin whether i should quit the gym... his opinion may or may not change my decision... simply want to ask... but anyway, i've made up my mind. It's time to move on and do other stuff ;D

After the exams this coming Thursday i'm gonna attend every single class of:
Myke, Ee Jeck, Yvette and Steve. And perhaps Kannan.

I think i might miss Myke most. He's the first instructor i got to know and he's the most fun in class. Ee Jeck is just so nice... Yvette too... and Steve is quite a sight to behold. Lol...(His height)

When it comes to PTs... i think i'll miss Amin the most, the chinese one in specs has also been quite friendly... i wouldn't miss the others... nay... Fellow gym mates... erm... Monashians are never regulars so i believe i wouldn't miss them... Kenny's nice but i don't really enjoy working out with him.. doing things his way. My say is no say...

Oh Jane! I'd miss her. Kinda. She's so strong for a woman her age. She does yoga pump combat and step... zumba even... i adore her.

Gossiping with Yvette... somehow i always feed her with some info which makes her go 'Ha!' in surprise and delight. She doesn't know Steve ran a marathon before.. we both thought he would stand out in d crowd... funny funny...yet we both agree that his one stride equal two of hours. So efficient! And that's so important in a marathon where energy efficiency rules!

And Yvette used to run too... now no... knee problems... and she had wanted to join the Terry Fox run too but got class at that hour... and from her i heard Hin Tong is an ironman too... Ah... should have attended his class last time.. then perhaps i'll know him a bit better... but well it's ok... one less person to miss. But well i don't miss that many to begin with. Gotta study now. Not motivated to study. Not really into auditing... sigh... i have to pass to grad... It's the one unit i worry most.... cos i'm just so lost... must study now. Love. Peace. Joy. Run!

2008-10-30T23:49:00.002+08:00

I used to think that life's real simple and we stupid humans are the ones complicating matters and making life miserable. Like that perfectionist who just wouldn't settle for anything less or that calculative business man or that traffic police who can't turn a blind eye... If everybody simply give in a little, gee... life's gonna be fantastic.

Now, i've kinda changed that line of thoughts of mine... You can go ashtray living your life.

For one, you can grow up and not mature in thinking and just grow old.
Oh goodness, bad bad... somehow i'm in the opinion that our 3 years spent in uni is to let us grow. To buy time.

To give us that little more time to grow up whether sideways or line of thoughts. Well... mine's coming to an end soon i hope...

I didn't study today. A day down the drain? Perhaps not... speaking to people has somehow widened my little world that little bit more... Now i know that Ee jeck didn't complete the full marathon the last time he tried... but he can do a 10 K in 45 minutes. Impressive!

Wait till i talk to Kannan the iron man... lol.. he's bound to exceed all of my expectations... These are instructors at the gym la... And Ee Jeck told me that he can help me buy heart rate monitors cos he can get 25% off Polor HRM... hehe... thanks in advance wei... he is so nice! and i also found out it's sold in Midvalley... A fitness store sells it too in Pyramid but very limited range aja that's why...

I'm a little paranoid now... have i really registered for the marathon?? Time and again i wonder... well... Monash did sent me an email a while ago... but well... why can't they email me every other month too... that would help... but well i can ask Kat bout it.. she's going to but for 10K the quarter marathon... I wonder if i'm alone attempting the 26.2 miles.... Gee.. scary... Knowing that Ee Jeck didn't complete his marathon dragged me down a bit...

With Bryan it's okay, he lacks determination... Ee Jeck? I thought he would have more stamina and since he's lighter... shouldn't be a problem. Steve with long legs managed it... I'm not sure... Did he not pace himself properly and used too much energy at the start? Since i suppose he doesn't run marathons every now and then... He has 2 jobs so i suppose he doesn't have as much time to train for his... i dunno... so scary.................................

But then again darling it's your first marathon and you're only 21... you can do a walk and run combination... it's 42 kilometers in case you don't know... it's really quite a distance... people wouldn't think less of you if you run and walk to complete it. It's a good start. Ya... but still... ego ego... okay... maybe 42km is really too far a distance to run from start to end. Okay... not now anyway. So ya.. i get it. This is my first marathon and i shall at least complete it in good form..

2008-10-29T12:10:00.002+08:00

I felt like going for the half marathon in Penang but changed my mind... wanna use those money for my heart rate monitor instead... It'll be a better use of my limited funds lol... It's mainly due to the fact that i can't get a cheap place to stay near the venue... and since it's gonna start early in the morning that is very important.... and so so so... next year la...

wonder where in kl/pj do they have Polar heart rate monitors... tsk tsk...

Ramblings of the day.

2008-10-28T23:01:00.002+08:00

It's much easier to pick things up than to put them down again. So much more easier.

My legs are so tired right now. After pump i ran on the treadmill for another 30-40 minutes. Interval training, albeit a short one... cos did so many squats and lunges during pump... Will do low intensity longer run tomorrow... Mid morning or something or maybe afternoon. Which explains why i stretched so long today... lol... i need to stretch those poor poor muscles of mine.

After sending them into overdrive in pump i went further with running.

I can't stop running despite me thinking it's making my legs a tad muscular cos i can't. I've got a marathon coming up. Plus well not like it's anybody's business but mine to care alone so i'm pretty much alright. My mum nags me quite a bit at times bout my muscles... not like it's a lot anyway.

I so want to lose ten pounds but i think i can only lose max 2 pounds cos i forgot i have muscles and it's heavier than fat, meaning oh shit oh shit.

Only losing to a couple of songs these days on my comp...

Truth
Endless Story
Scarlet

Soothing jap songs to calm my frazzled nerves. Now... i'll read up my lecture notes a bit more and slather on moisturizer on my face and hand lotion on hands and off to bed i go. All the time spent working so hard i'm sure it totally logical that i have some calluses. I so need a feet spa. Think i'm gonna get a pumice stone or something to remove some dead skin... but not all 100% otherwise my feet's gonna hurt. All the pounding caused by running, me feet can sure do with some protection. I heard climbing comes with calluses. And worse cos it's your hands. Is it a sin to be a girl and to have rough hands??

My mum's gonna kill me if i pick up climbing lol... Worry that guys will stay off her daughter like nothing else. Lol... Oh btw, i saw Steven at the gym. He looked familiar the first few times i saw him... You know me and my super poor memory when it comes to people...

Which Steven? That indian dude who talks dirty to me. He can't recognise me, i doubt it. Cos... i cut my hair. Lol! Thank god. Though i saw him eyeing me when i was heading home... but then again, men stare at everything in a skirt so i think i'll just brush aside my worry that he'll recognise me. Some men are just so filled with lust there's nothing else on his mind they appear so stupid, i call them bottom desperadoes.

Just to bitch... there's this dude at California... he has got no looks if you ask me but well maybe you would disagree... he's short to begin and end with. But you gotta admire his confidence as he goes after those pretty dames with such gusto and enthusiasm. He seriously thinks he stands a chance. Gosh. I really dislike him to such an extent eh?? Lol... i do i do...my views of him are biased and tainted with prejudice so yeah just wave off my opinions. Without giving names i simply wanna bitch.

I've forgotten Amin's name. I almost did. I remember his friendly face when i saw him at the gym but i can't find his name anymore... it took me quite some effort to retrieve it from my memory... so sad eh... i forget so easily it's a crime. And to think that he's always so nice.... At least i made an effort to wave bye at him when i was leaving. I was in a jolly good mood today when i was leaving... i waved at those faces i came to know after spending nearly a lifetime at the gym. Those faces which i may or may not miss if i were to switch to another gym or stop going to gym... to do other sports... to run outside... to climb... do some weights at home... buy some dumb bells, barbell etc... i dunno... still contemplating...

I love and hate vain people. I fear them even. Yesterday looking at certain models in a mag, i was shocked and horrified. They look ghastly enough to creep me out, sending fear... so scary... if i imagine things a little bit more i think i'm gonna get nightmares... Scary enough to make me wanna cry... A piece of horror. My mum and sis thinks it's to suit some sorta theme by the designers, models aren't so scary looking...

I dunno... their hollowed cheeks highlighted with deep dark shades is enough to scare me to death. Worst than those guys in cloaks in Starwars. What do you call them eh? But those death eaters in Harry potter are scary too... But i still think those models are scarier cos they are REAL... let's talk no more of them, i'm afraid they'll spook me in my dreams.

I so need to go now. It's getting late and my eyelids are threatening to close!

Night. Good luck to all sitting for exams. At the back of my mind, i still do remember dear friends of mine battling it out in war zones.. lol... As i was walking past some class rooms in Building 9 ah yes i saw people cracking their heads... but they look oh so calm, so zen... dunno what's underneath... but at least no one was pulling their hair out. Lol...

2008-10-27T11:09:00.002+08:00

I'm not motivated to do anything right now. Feeling so lazy. Can so die.

Don't even want to go gym but gotta go... gotta go... Gonna drag my feet and the whole of me away from my laptop get changed and go to gym...... i so just want to lie on my bed and let time tick away

but i can't!!!!!! cos i can't. wtf. i can. but i won't.

i have bread in the bread machine. whole family's out. cousin's sleeping. wonder if she'll wake up in time to get the bread out of the machine for me in 2 hours time cos i'm not gonna b home so soon. gee............................................................................. dilemma. Why did u bake bread.

cos i thought mum's gonna be home but turns out she's going out and now my bread is home alone.

sleeping people are as good as dead cos sleep takes the best of them. Sigh. Wasted wasted people. In their dreams.

2008-10-25T07:57:00.002+08:00

Yesterday i was so tired after the exam. I reached home. Ate and just sat there waiting for my bro. We like talking ma... then i went to sit in the living room. I can't quite walk. Was really THAT tired. Lol... but i couldn't quite sleep yet for i know i'll wake up damn early if i do so i dare not sleep.

So i woke up by 7am today having slept at 11 plus last night... i was restless d at 6 plus... crazy girl must wake up before the sun's high and up..

Taking the day slow... it's 9 now and i've got to start studying soon... love.

2008-10-23T22:37:00.002+08:00

i'm sleepy and i don't know why.......... i'm doing the simplest thing i can ever do... memorizing.

I had the best morning this morning.

Ran for only 30 minutes cos i it started drizzling... came home. Light stretching.

Cold shower. Even had time for a face mask, hair mask and body scrub haha...
Despite it being 8plus in the morning cold shower was good.. shit... i'm hungry now... but don't want to eat cos i've brushed my teeth.... damn dilemma... lol...

Such a stupid dilemma i know. Lol..

Last kiss - Pearl jam

Sad song.

Night.

Have courage will eat

2008-10-21T19:02:00.003+08:00

As i grow older day after day after day... i find myself wanting to try out new stuff... be it activities food or watever.... as no one knows for sure when we are gonna die eh so i shall be prepared for the day since it has to come anyway.

Just the other day i ordered a bowl of noodles... It's at one of those old coffee houses near Petaling street... kuey teow with beef balls and intestines. I'm not one for intestines to tell the truth... they gross me out quite a bit but still i plucked up the courage to dive right into the bowl and ate and ate and ate.

It was as bad as the bowl of porridge with pork intestines i had in Penang. Beef is much better. Lol... At least i know for sure they only feed on grass. Lol... stupid girl. My mum was amazed when i told her i ate them haha....

Next time i'm gonna just ask for beef slices eh...intestines are funny.

And i am never gonna go near those internal organs... i'm quite sure i don't like them thank you very much. I'd take the strongest smelling cheese and not organs. Those are just oh too much. And congealed animal blood is not to be in my list of food to try....

2008-10-20T13:30:00.002+08:00

HI!

I'm studying... kinda hard and kinda not... lol... just giving it my best shot!

Oh, i went for my Padang Merbuk run yesterday.. So another 10km under my belt hehe. Doubt i'll go for the half marathon in Penang since i can't find company. Sadness. Lol... nay... it's ah-okay. I can always run myself over here and save the money for other stuff...

I got my medal in yesterday's run... First 1300 finishers get a medal ;)

I didn't join the Pacesetters club with ah loo cos i wasn't sure how long more do i still want to run so much... I was thinking of letting go those leg muscles... i want them slimmer... i don't know i don't know.... see la...

Anyway i'm getting a little concerned bout the December marathon... 42km.... Gosh... scary scary... such a tiring distance. Lol. It took me quite a while to register in my head that is it quite a distance indeed. Indeed it is. I'm a bit on the slow side that's why. So yeah... i need to train a lot on my distance... stamina.... oh my god. i'm not sure if i'm ready for a marathon at 21.

Everybody run for their own reason......... what's yours what's mine.

I lost focus yesterday. I didn't know why i was running you know. I was tired. I took in deep breaths... my heart rate was back to normal and i looked around. It doesn't help that i was kinda sick too.. nothing too bad... cold... still... I can't give up. They are still so many running... and i've got to go home don't i? Damn. Nobody's gonna give me a ride to the finish line and damn... i need to run... lol.

Cos walking hurts my ego more than anything.

Right now i'm thinking how i can cramp in all those accounting theories into my poor head lol... think girl think... you can sure do it!!!!

I don't care. I want an HD. For the hours i pour into this.......i want.

Oh, i saw this guy... a tutor from Monash i think ... at sunday's run... Not my tutor. Have seen him around. No, he's not at all cute... he is... short.. has moustache... is fair but not sure if he's chinese... lol... Doubt anyone can tell who he is from my description. Lol. Not even sure which faculty he is from but my point is, he doesn't look like someone who likes running. Itu aja. Lol.

Back to study study now.. .Join me.. do study >>>

I think i know

2008-10-14T20:37:00.002+08:00

It has been some time now that i find myself having a problem with Derek. I don't quite know what the problem is till now. We both want to talk. We both have problems. And really, that is problem overload. When you yourself is deep in thought how can you ever listen to another and solve their problems?

You can. Yes... but... then you go home feeling restless. You've not solved your problem. He didn't quite help you with your problem. Gee. I dunno. Sometimes i wonder if he cares for anyone else him aside. He told me he cares. Let's just say he's not very convincing.

ilmme wuj eje je[pkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;iocvbnmfghjklvbnm,./dfghjkqwertghasdfghnm,kjhgfdxcfvghjk

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkvvvvvvjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjo'v'veofjmmv

when i can't blog. when i'm not even interested to talk. it is a problem. perhaps not to you, but to me it is one.

i realise now that me and derek can't be best friends. we click. but we both want attention. that is the problem. and i'm tired of him being so nerdy these days. i can't stand it.

30 minutes down the drain and i'm thinking, forget bout derek. It's okay.

Concentrating on sports once more...

Road bikes are so expensive. I want to eat popcorn. Should i go gym tomorrow? Climbing gives you calluses. Should i do it? I'm sleepy now. I shall think no more now.

Tomorrow... i'll drop sis in her college. Park my car in mine. Get latte with an extra shot of espresso. Study hard till lunch time... munch on sandwich.... gym? study more? nap? just go die la. lazy d...

what's a fish without eyes?
fsh.

What's big, red, hard and eat rocks?

A big red hard rock eater!

Jokes which i dished out to medical students today... for my role as the manic patient... i need to laugh and be in an euphoric state despite me feeling totally bored shitless. Sadness. Me being the Oscar deserving actress i am.

One of the med students commented that the MSE station is easy and i didn't like him one bit. With such an attitude, how are you ever gonna be a good doctor?

Never underestimate any exams or so i was taught. And be modest too.

Well... it may be easy for him... but for us SPs, it's not easy.. To repeat the same act again and again and again for you dear students... We ought to be thanked at the end of each session. They do of course, the lecturers taught them manners.

2008-10-10T22:18:00.002+08:00

I'm kinda tired d...... too much eating today... First thing in the morning and i was hungry. That was 630 in the morning darling. Funny how my appetite works. Cos last night i only had milo and tofu for dinner... so this morning when i woke up i was ravenous.

Ate a slice of bread, biscuits and when red bean tong sui... i told her the day before i want it and she made it for me ;) I told her i want porridge for lunch too and she made that too... What to do... i'm her daughter and i'm sick.

Was so in pain this morning on my bed.. cold sweat and stomachache... Things got better as the day gets on... thank god... mum says it's stress... i don't know... it's just painful k those damn stomachaches.

Think i'm gonna go brush my teeth and get to bed... will go through my tuts for chapter 10 of auditing tomorrow. When others ask which chapter i'm in i dunno what to say... I study whichever chapter i feel like studying.. in no particular order... and in varying depths... i study in a very freestyle manner let's just say.

And thank god for Dr Jothee. He's the number 1 lecturer who understands students well. Sometimes we underperform due to i dunno what the hell reason but shit happens and he gives us opportunities to redeem our stupid silly mistakes. Love that old man!

Today at the cafetaria i saw the Eng dudes but didn't say hi... thought they'll not notice me anyway. I was wrong. Ty came to say hi... cheerful as always.. smiling... i could only muster up a weak smile... seeing them didn't get me excited somehow... I'd rather no bump into anybody on campus something. To just go about the things i need to do... go lect... go tuts... study...print notes...

Trying to lead the mundane life at uni these days... i'm quite done with activities and stuff... i want time alone and not having to care bout others and what they think... i still care a bit la.. duh.

Lol.

It's lazy Friday as usual and you'll find me in sandals too. To match the shiny white and yellow, i painted them bright red pink... shiny too. It's one thing to be lazy and wear flats but it's an entire different story to be showing the world my ugly toe nails geez... It's not too tough painting them anyway.

Missed pump today cos i wanna rest... i just recovered... almost... so i don't wanna kill myself. Will go tomorrow. I think i'm gonna call my quits with the gym thing. I want to focus on running outdoors and to get a bike soon hehe ;)

2008-10-09T09:43:00.002+08:00

Omg. My calf muscles. Can totally feel the bulge. I train them quite well i would say. With hill work and long runs. Lol.... though it's not the most attractive thing for girls... Girls should have relatively thin and legs... meaning no muscles... muscles add bulk. Bad bad bad.

But. I need to run far and long! I need them!

Sis thinks i don't have to run. I don't.

But i want to be running. It's one of the few things i enjoy doing. Cos i don't need company to do it.

I saw Aqel at the gym yesterday and he commented on why i've not been hanging out with the guys anymore. He asked me what happened.

Well... people change... people get busy... and so thus... people grow apart.

We both notice how Yasir has changed. He now looks like Tristan. I don't really know that dude but somehow there's something about him which i don't quite like. I'm quick to judge. Very bad... To be fair, i myself get judged myself by everybody else... that doesn't give me the right to judge others but it's just out of habit...

Kena bitten by mosquitoes. Terribly uncomfortable. Itchy la what else. Argh. Can't study. Argh-ness. If not because my sis needs to go college, i would have skipped my audit tut i swear. Five spots d i kena... itchy itch itch. Go die stupid mosquitoes. Caused me so much misery. Damn.

I've resorted to sitting cross legged on the chair. Desperation strikes...despite being in the library wtf la don't care d... can't let them bite me more... i'll die... my legs will be covered in pinkish red bumps.......................... don't want!!

gotta study study... push aside the itchy itchy itch.................................eee... ee..e.

Scary...

2008-10-07T21:45:00.002+08:00

I've been having yellow skin for a couple of weeks now. My cousin's really worried.
Mum thinks i'm eating too much yellow food but no... nobody gets yellow by drinking a cup of carrot juice.

Anyway Googling yellow skin is scary... For one i may be suffering from some liver problems.. or hepatitis even.. scary scary... i think i'll go to the doctor tomorrow. No one's too young to die but still... once you notice something's a bit the wrong it's wise to go to the doctor... i shall.. despite not liking visits to the doctor. Like what i told the med students, the doc has got to be entertaining for me to stay a lil while longer. Or else i'll just walk away.

Ah stupid stupid girl.

I wonder how bad or how baseless my worries are.. aside from yellow skin there are no signs evidence of chronic illness... Now i wonder if i should be running tomorrow... gee... i don't like the idea of ever falling ill as i have so much to do.

Anyway... pride & prejudice is rather entertaining i would say. I'm still watching it on Youtube. It's not the Keira Knightley version. Watched that long ago. It's the BBC version... not sure how many episodes there are in total but it's nice so do watch it when you have the time. I need to catch a least one episode to do my write up for Tv studies. Need to watch sports too... busy busy...Will watch a footie match for my sports write up...

Busy busy... been procrastinating too much.. i missed lecture today cos it was raining too heavily and i sure don't want to be the centre of attention, me being soaked from top to toe. Bad bad... so i ended up spending some time at Pyramid with Derek...

Gotta watch more tv now. Love. And i'm so tired already...

2008-10-06T22:15:00.001+08:00

Studies. Running. Trekking when i'm done with the first.

I have so much on my mind and on my hands. It's a torture to be me. And i still have to watch some sorta sports and BBC pride and prejudice to write a total of 1000 words on both.... sigh...

Love u but i got to run. Work waits. Love.

2008-10-05T14:53:00.002+08:00

I love my life.

I love how i plan my daily everyday.

I am working very hard for the marathon... as hard as i possibly can... i ran for an hour and half this morning. Running non stop may not be as easy as it sounds with slopes and steep hills... i'm making progress.... Next sunday i'll run for 2 hours non-stop.

Meanwhile, i have workouts planned everyday of the week. Since i'm free of uni activities, lectures and tutorials aside, i have more time to concentrate on running.... which is great.

Thoughts when i'm running:

U wanna give up now? You have to work hard now to NOT die in the marathon. So go girl, continue running. That uncle has not stopped yet so you can't stop. I ran till the uncle stopped. Stupid girl. Lol... This one's wearing a running jersey for a 30km run. Impressive leg muscles. Sweat bucket loads. His shorts is dripping wet omg.

He runs at a quick pace... i didn't follow his pace... i did it at my own pace... he's very experienced so i'm not gonna compare myself there... instead he'll just serve as a motivator and a guide.

Uncle noticed me too. I know. Lol... we don't get many girls my age running for so long... most walk or run for less than an hour. I am quite impressive. Lol. I like to brag but damnit i have the right to do so! Cuz i can.

After the run. Went home. Shower. Ate a toast, an egg, a cup of horlicks, a handful of almonds. Online a while. Could take it no more and napped.

I woke up at 620am. So please forgive me for napping.

Woke up to eat chicken porridge. Ate pear too. A few fried jackfruit.
Played with puppy and here i am blogging. Will study till 5/6pm before showering and going out dinner.

This pretty much sums up my kinda Sundays. Pretty typical. I plan to run 4-5 times a week. I am oh-so motivated for some reasons. There are so many running enthusiasts around me, how could i not run along??

Run run run.... i need more air... i can hardly sing when i was running today. I always attempt to. Lol.. to have a feel of my pace... am i fast enough to be breathless... otherwise i'd have to pick up my pace...

Structuring my runs a little more now... with Fartlek, Hill work, intervals, tempo runs and the long run.

My last sem

2008-10-04T18:18:00.002+08:00

I am serious bout making this sem my last sem in my entire uni life. I need to grad. Cos i need to move on to the next stage of my life. Can't afford to stay stagnant for fear i'll die of boredom.

At the mo, i find studying to be quite enjoyable despite facing the wall at times. By the wall i mean i don't get whatever i'm suppose to get la...

I've signed myself up for the Pdg Merbuk run, IOI run adn Singapore marathon thus far. Sis thinks i'm crazy. I think i'm embracing a new hobby - running.

Run for passion. Run for freedom. Run for fitness. Run for your heart. Most of all run for yourself.

It's such a meaningful sport. A test of endurance, determination and dedication.
So yeah, go for it!!

I believe i've devoured every word in my September Runner's World. Love it to bits. You can read it online too but i need to have my bible with me that's why i bought it hehe... I need a reminder, something to tell me to keep on fighting, dreaming, running, to hold on strong to my beliefs and to do it well despite all the obstacles and lack of motivation at times. I shall hang in there knowing there are many others like me, sticking to our running routines and love.

I saw this one guy at the gym. He wears a blue running jersey. Nike. From a 15km run by pacesetters. He runs damn long on the treadmill. I know. I've watched him before. Hope there are more like him to motivate me. It's nice and very motivating to know that you aren't the only. Since i can't find many like me among my friends, i look to strangers for support even! Wth. How desperate. Lol. It's ok. I know it's not easy to start running. The initial stage is tough. Who would want to run for hours on end. Most won't even run for an hour non-stop.

Since i understand i force nobody. Therefore, most of the time i run alone. So pitiful? Ok la... Like i've said, i'm not alone. Around the globe, there are more. Who cares if they don't run by my side. Knowing that they do exist is enough to keep me going. Thank god.

I bought a sky blue Nike bra top! Hehe... Will lose more weight so that i can wear it! Yay yay!

This is love.

Haha...

2008-09-27T08:59:00.002+08:00

Gollum has to be gay. Lol. Why? Cos... i'm not telling you why. Lol...

Speaking of gay/happy... i saw this dude while Q-ing up at the printer in the library... he painted his nails red wtf. Lol! Serious shit. Not a very nice color and chipped d pulak tu. I would have advised him on removing them if he's my friend. It's not that painting your nails is wrong, just that you got to get the job done properly.

Rule #1: If you think it's gonna chip, go NUDE.

Stick to shades like beige and sheers pinks etc. Don't go blueberry and expect others not to notice your chipped nail color. Ugly ugly.

Rule#2: Don't do it (if you're a guy) if you can't carry it.

He certainly can't. You gotta dress high fashion if you want to do it as a guy. Don't look at me. Go blame it on people like Beckham. Straights who make painting seem macho. Please gu(a)ys, i love you... but maybe not your nails. Lol...

Just don't be more girly than me okay. So wrong. Oh, don't you dare ever bite your nails. Very wrong and ugly ugly nails. Ugly ugly.

Rule #3: Always ask for your bf's approval.

Whether it's your boy friend or best friend. Ask. It never hurts and it will do you good. Make sure they are honest though.

I have zits on my face. Gee.... Hate em.... been stressing it out so much it's showing on my face. Gee gee. Can't help it now. Gonna chill it now with my last assignment handed in. It was a job badly done but i think i can just pass it.

Searching for a place to stay in singapore now... for the singapore marathon. I still can't quite believe the fact that i've signed up for it. They sent me a confirmation email but still its still so dreamlike wth.

Not sure if i'll be going with the rest of the team. We can meet there or something... but if i'm not... it's not gonna be that tough anyway, in fact i think it might be easier even. Book a dorm bed in some hostel... get one near the run venue.. somewhere nead Esplanade or something... gee... trying to look up more singapore maps.....

The marathon is beginning to scare me.. see the map yourself and tell me that you aren't intimidated by the distance!!

Scary scary distance... must train hard... gonna train today and tmr too.. .cya cya!!

2008-09-25T18:41:00.004+08:00

If only he will. If only all the others did.

The reason why i'm angry at those people i am angry at sometimes is simple. Very simple.
Cos they can never be bothered.

If only they know.

I talk easily. I spill. I share. What does it mean when i give you one word answers? When i show lack of interest? When i can't bring myself to be animated and chatty?

It simply means, because you have once killed me, i am now dead to you. If you know me, you know i am really quite real.

I thought Derek's different cos he's gay but nay. Just the same. Just the same. My heart leaped with joy when he told me he wanna join me on my 12 Oct run but no........ once i told him TBS is organising it, he said ew and don't want.

Okay. Whatever. Ah Loo wants to join me for a run or two. At least i still have her. Sometimes i want to kill myself running.

My upcoming runs:

12 October
Lake Gardens - Taylors Biz School - Proceeds going to cancer foundation.
RM20. 10km.

9 November
IOI Mall Community run
Rm20
7.3km

16 nov
Half marathon in Penang 25km or you can opt for 10km or full marathon
Rm 25

7Dec
Marathon in Singapore

I wish i can fit in more runs but nay... can't afford to neglect my studies.

*for more runs, visit this site

I am also eye-ing a bike..........Scott. Damn cun. Cost? i think i need a 8-9K before i step in a bike shop man.. but i really want one... I don't think i need the gym anymore. I have running. Cycling. And when i get a partner, climbing too. Busy busy busy.

2008-09-24T20:45:00.002+08:00

How am i to tell Derek to stop stressing me out?? During lunch today he talked bout the assignment. Back at his place. Again. But that's okay... i love my lunch. I want brainless talk. I don't like stress with my lunch. He's smart yes. Do try to understand ms dumb here. She doesn't want to talk about assignments.

It scares me at times how he obsess over the things he obsess over.

5 minutes down the road. He called me. Argh... can't avoid him. So i appear ONLINE. I was appearing offline. Told him that he's stressing me out and he apologised. Thank god. I can't get work done otherwise. I hate stress. I was feeling rather moody yesterday and didn't get any work done but chatted with Jeremy for a bit and that lifted my mood quite a bit. Thank god.

This semester has been tough for me. It's not the workload. Not the units. It's the fact that i am not happy. I notice the downward trend......... my mood is forever spiraling down. I was faking my laughter during my SP session with the medical students, acting hyper and happy. I had to laugh so i did.

There have been those moments this semester which makes me wanna just cry...even now i get tears. I hate this semester. I hope it will all be better in time. This is really too much for me.

Somehow the things i've said during my SP session reflects what my thoughts, me and my experiences. It is not all fake shit, i am for real. There are stories that i weave with details from my life thrown in.

I spoke of the edible cigars. How i thought ignorance is bliss and me thinking i'm dumb. How i agree with Paris Hilton that we should just walk and not think. How i think pole dancing will truly indeed let out the sexy hot kitten in you. I don't really lie darling. I speak my thoughts even when i'm suppose to be lying through my teeth. That is what makes me a good actress. I link it all up so well, my acts and my life.

Btw, i think i need liposuction for my legs. They are big. So ugly. Amin and Nizam told me they are manly wtf. Shit. I can't do nothing bout them now cos i need strong legs to run my marathon. Perhaps after my runs, i'll lose those muscles. I don't know. I'm still looking for a climbing partner so that i can leave the gym. If i fail i'm just gonna buy a bike.

I've loved cycling as a child.

2008-09-19T22:56:00.002+08:00

Gotta start preparing for my marathon................... Bought a copy of Runner's World to motivate myself into action. Things a little screwed up today so i didn't run... but gonna run tomorrow and Sunday to compensate...

I may look better these days but hell... i don't feel any better. In fact i feel lousy. I am not at all happier or not even happy most of the time. Barely living.

Things keeping me sane at the moment... the marathon and the shopping hehe...

On my to-buy list:
Sports bra
Running shorts

and possibly another pair of running shoes... maybe oh maybe...

Nothing much

2008-09-17T12:15:00.002+08:00

That would be the words to describe my present state.

Assignments aside that is. I skipped a lecture yesterday cos i was feeling down and i could not concentrate on the work at hand - my auditing assignment. I've no idea how to do it my god.. i think i've kinda figured things out now... Might ask chean voon though... The risk factor part is worth 60%... better compare with more people so that we don't miss out on those stupid factors.

Enough of assignments eh.

I went to Nike to visit my ex-colleagues again yesterday! Saw Vanessa. Nic's presence was kinda unexpected though. I was expecting Daniel, thought he's off on tuesdays... erm... nevermind that...

They still think i'm the funniest one around. You're the best so said Nic. Lol... We spoke in mandarin for fun cos mine sucks and that tickles them. Erm...

But i tried telling jokes to them and i suppose my jokes are kinda good... those no-fail no-brainers riddles la... cos it makes me happy to make others happy. Satisfaction. Oh, i think i'm kinda influencing Nic to join the gym. Bad girl. Cos i called him thin and stick. He's getting a lil self conscious there. But really he IS thin.

I'm not sure if he'll bulk up with the muscle bulking program though... after seeing Yk not making much progress...lol.... Yk's still okay la... Nic's case is far worse... He can give the gym a try la... he should...but he doesn't have much time for it. Should i encourage him to make time? the truth is i don't want him wasting money for nothing, knowing he won't spend many hours there and he might not even bulk up.

He needs protein too... erm... i really shouldn't think too much on others' behalf. It complicates things for me. It makes talking tough cos you don't know how would your words affect another. My words sure carry weight to some eh. Lol... so influential. Lol!

Anyway...

i bought a blue eyeliner yesterday... for fun... and i lost my black one... I can't live with the liquid eyeliner. It smudges. And i don't want to get one from those expensive brands till i start earning my own dough. Plus i can do with more practice. If you actually notice, few in uni choose to use the liquid one anyway preferring to use the pencil ones cos they are just so much easier to use.

Guys, imagine pencil versus brush. Which is easier to draw a line easily, without fail and fear of mistakes? You need a steady hand for the brush but that's not too hard... rest your hand on the mirror or any stationary object and you shall do fine.

Mum's out and sis is too lazy to cook me lunch. And me i have to do my assignment. My sis is either watching Gossip girl, playing with her pet on Facebook or reading mags or even the newspaper ler... You think she'll cook for me la? I have better chance the dog will lor...

Gee. I want my lunch.

2008-09-13T12:23:00.002+08:00

Everything which has happened in my life is really nobody's business and yet i make it a business of mine to blog about my day in this blog of mine. So totally stupid.

Should i go for bodypump and spinning later?? I need to lose some weight. Getting a little too rounded for my own liking I hate my fat self. So cannot tahan. Getting so self conscious bout my waistline. Gee... can die... still got assignment to do but no la.. can do when i'm back. I need to be happy to be productive. The usual excuse to go to gym. Then strong coffee and i'm the happiest person working on her assignment. That shall be the plan then. Off i shall go.!

Another happy bday to Sookie now ;D

Yesterday was okay despite teh long wait. Thank god i bumped into Ahnmar while buying card. And after i left him at the bookstore Zz called me. Cool. And later when i wandered off to find Zz missing, Yk called pulak. I do count myself lucky at times like this... hehe...

Thanks.

Addicted to Falling out.

I'm slowly falling out.... baby we're tripping on silly things. Boy i need you to meet me half way if you want me to be with you.

Sometimes i feel like there's no getting thru to you like you don't appreciate all that i do.

Love it love it love it. Love it with the dance moves Sunny taught. Love him too! Now i really must run!

Will,

2008-09-10T21:20:00.002+08:00

Grace is craving for ice. And Will is nowhere to be seen.

What will Grace do? She's desperate and resorted to ice cubes in ice tea. For now. She'll get the real deal tomorrow. Whoever it may be. Tom, Dick or Harry to accompany her. She doesn't care.

That was what Grace told Will.

But you know... all these coming and leaving. It's part of the reason i'm such a bitch sometimes. Like i know you are gonna leave anyhow so why be so nice to you eh. What's the point. I can't be bothered. Come when you want and leave as you wish. Just get out whenever, whatever.

There's never anybody when i need them anyway. What good is a phone call when me on the other end is close to tears? You tell me. How can you comfort someone through a phone call? You are pretty much useless if you ask me. All the pent up frustration and anger. How would you understand? How can you fully comprehend?

So yeah, whatever. Will is bound to be replaced, soon.

Stupid derek asked me what's my plan after uni.

I want to just marry someone and not have to work a day in my life. In my first year of uni i don't even want to marry. Now this? What has uni done to me? It has opened up my eyes. Lol. But neway don't think i'll marry so soon... nobody wants me sob. Lol. And i'm not such a despo to marry the first Dick who comes knocking at my door la. Nope. Not yet at least. Lol.

Gotta take a deep breath now... in prep for my assignment.

In class today i told Zhen yao this:

Hey zhen yao, i finally realise why i'm so weird!! I'm meant to be GAY!

I can click so well with them. Like the guy i saw in the library we agreed so much. Too bad i'm born as a girl eh?? Gee. I am meant to be gay!

Crazy girl. So stupid.

If you can find another girl in uni like me do let me know ya. Though however we'll just hate each other. I doubt i can stand seeing a clone of me. People like me don't like themselves cloned. They don't. Believe me. That would be one hell of a nightmare. I like people who are different yet the same not the exact same thing as me. Never.

Looking forward to a relaxing morning tomorrow. 5km on treadmill and yoga. Then indian breakfast. I like. And so need to get Cendol after class...

Stop it already!

2008-09-08T22:21:00.002+08:00

Go get some work done.

But.

But.

No buts now. Go do what you need to get done.

You know, i just love running first thing in the morning. It gives me much satisfaction. Like whoa, i've gotten something done! Hip hip hurray!

And you know Bryan the spinning instructor? He's the most discouraging person ever. I told him i wanna do a marathon and what he said? You won't be able to finish it. Why? Cos he can't. He did his half-marathon only recently i think... in four hours... half marathon's like 21km.

Neways, i'm still gonna do it la. Who cares if i take all day as long as i complete it. Endurance baby endurance.

This sem's student council election seem like all yawns. Not very exciting David says... Me agree. And these people can't be bothered to hand me a flyer even lor... I have my earphones on... but you know... i can still very well read... and i am polite enough to take them off to listen to you.

So nay... i'm not gonna vote unless somebody approach me. Yeah. That's just the way i am.
I don't care enough to drop by your booth but i do care enough to wanna listen to you explain your team's agenda. But oddly enough... this evening the yellow smiley team disappeared. I saw the pink team but yellow was nowhere to be seen. Trouble?

Erm.... i shall not ponder on the subject but instead listen to Falling Out... The song's nice... and Sunny's dance moves with it? Absolutely fantastic. Real good. He thought us last Friday. I can't do it well but he did it oh so beautifully... i like...

Work now.

Love you sweetie.

So lazy

2008-09-07T23:14:00.002+08:00

Rewind a year or two back who would have thought what's to happen today eh...

Like how i thought i'll be motivated to work very hard for my last semester. But you know its not true. Three years and i'm sick of all this essays. So sick. But still i must continue doing them for another semester.

I have come to realise that we really must do that which we want to do and love to do best and not just do something out of convenience practicality or whatsoever reason. To do that is stupidity. Classic all the same.

Well, i'm gonna take my time deciding my future career and not just jump right into the accounting/finance sector as soon as i graduate. I have a choice after all.

Will jump on the treadmill tomorrow morning. Feeling real bad bout myself. Been eating too much and cutting down on gym time. Been neglecting a lot of things that i'm consumed by guilt. Guilt can be unbearable... so don't ever do something to regret later. Easier said than done again.

I hate myself. Is that so hard to tell? I suppose it's not obvious...

searching for more journals now... i wanna say information overload and just go to bed but a few more darling a few more and i shall go brush my teeth. Life. If not for all those people we love it's really not worth living.

I hurt my thumb sculpting balloons but the children were so cute and i find it impossible to say no to any of them.. so... even after i hurt my thumb i continued. How could i not?

A moment like this - Leona Lewis

Water

2008-09-07T17:19:00.002+08:00

We couldn't find Chilling ad settled for Gabai waterfall instead la... since Derek's main objectivee is to take pics aja. Me i'm a little different but whatever la since i'm not the one driving right.

So we were there. Saw a bunch of arts student sketching and painting at the first waterfall... So many people. So we walked up further. We reached where the slide is... people sliding down for fun... erm... many people...

We walked further up still and yay! Devoid of humans. Lol... we happily stripped down to our underwear... I had my Roxy swimming bottom la... wear bra aja la who cares right. The guys were really in their underwear lor... white some more lol... but i'm not interested in checking them out la.

We played in the water... super cold... and get our bodies massage as water rushed down... better than jacuzzi okay... throw stones into the water... splashed at each other and stuff... and then we took pictures. I dunno how but we all got pictures of our butt cheeks taken. Stupid fools. Thank god no other soul around. Lol.

Not many pictures would be uploaded this time round.. most are for personal collection... tired now... gotta sleep... woke up early to make egg sushi la.. Sweet eggs...yum...

4 eggs. 4tbsps sugar. A tsp of jap soy sauce. A lil salt.

Then roll them up with rice and seaweed.

Happy

2008-09-06T08:17:00.003+08:00

We call gays happy people. It's part of our language.

We call sensitive issues - touchy touchy.
Complete with hand gestures okay... lol... very cute...

And the way we say shallow shallow shallower is also very cute. Lol. Ya. We like cute. But no way do we border on lala-ness.

It's actually not we. I came up with these.... he copied. And i copied his style of talking too... we love each other so much that we copy man. Geez... We gee quite a bit.

Yesterday's Sunny's dance class was fun... despite me not dancing very well... lol... it's important to have fun that's all... and did i tell you how stupid Myke bullied me in pump??

That stupid idiot.

I was doing pushups la... and he kept blowing at my fringe. That idiot. Kiddy. Not enough with that he went on to push my back down! God, my face nearly kena the floor lor if not because my arms and shoulders are still working hard to push myself up...

After class he became more childish... he poke my shoulder lo.. then brush my hair pulak. Ok fine kiddo. He then proceed to poke poke poke at my back... lol... cute la him... so small kid... i poked him back la duh! I'm a kid too. Hahaha...

But right Myke's 27 this year lor! I'm 21. Despite people saying i look more 19 20 watever... Still i'm really 21.

Can't wait for tmr's waterfall!! I got tonnes of work but waterfall wei.... gee.... must start preparing foodstuff for tmr as soon as i get home from birthday party ;) Derek's cousin's birthday party. A cute 5 year old i was told... gonna b sculpting balloons... into swords and the like... little boy ler...

Tata. Love. I'm stressed out bout my assignments too but still Derek's dragging me off for fun...tsk tsk... must work double hard when i get back my god...

2008-09-03T09:12:00.002+08:00

Laura's so weird.

Upon seeing me for the first time since my hair cut... she asked.

Why did you cut your hair?

Why are you wearing heels now?

To which i simply replied:

Derek told me to cut my hair.
Derek told me to wear heels.

But darling... i've worn heels everyday of my life before i came to Monash. And the hair thing... i like la.. but that's okay... people like asking why. It's part of life.

She likes to ask. I never ask others such things. Like what for.

Even the indian man at mamak was acting kinda weird. In a good way. talk bout dat later. got work to do. wasted loads of time doing useless stuff.., facebook and alll... geee....

Kuantan

2008-09-02T09:38:00.002+08:00

It was a really small place... we stayed at some sorta banglo like resort... Gotta share bathrooms... super inconvenient but watever la since its just a night. Can so live with that. Shared a room with two other girl friends.

Gonna be skipping a whole lot of details now.

We had chicken rice. Visited a cave. Skipped the museum and rested in our rooms. Dinner. Games. That game where you dress up your mate with newspaper la... Most chose to dress their team mate in bikini wtf lol...

I like that super skinny dude... cos i so can't stand those with belly pot stomachs my god.... He is super skinny my god... must so get pics from Siaw Loo... i wasn't holding my cam ma... I was too busy laughing to remember grabbing my camera. How stupid is that?

They are hilarious... guys stupid guys... will upload some pics in facebook soon.

Love. Enjoy life. Finish ur assignments.

BAll 08

2008-09-01T22:04:00.002+08:00

Sad to say dat i didn't quite have a ball of time this year. It was boring and mostly yawns.

This time round i can't be bothered to take pics with everybody really... i did that in my first year and that was that. I only take pics with friends i love this time. No other people aside from those handful. I realise now that it's not important. Just do what you love girl.

And i'm one of those people who try real hard to stick to the theme lol... Some girls simply came in their lovely long gowns... Very pretty... but mardi gras? Nay... all that matters is to look good, doesn't matter what the theme is they just wear whatever they wanna wear.

Well... who am i to say anything.

I love sticking to the theme and i do love my dress. It's very party and funky. It has the word fun splashed all over it... but the girl in the dress didn't have fun. So very sad.

There was satisfaction in finding my way from Bangsar to Sunway yes... i am so brilliant...

And when it was time to hit the dance floor... really i wasn't at all excited... and the music turned out kinda horrible... Music at marketplace was better i must say... and it's not merely the lack of alcohol lor... Didn't go for the after party la... don't wanna waste my money in case it's not fun. I've changed la dude. Two years back i might have fun going to it cos people on uni actually mattered to me then but now? Only a limited few.

Plus, don't have so much cash to splurge on alcohol la that night... i don't like beers... i only like my teas, margaritas and ya da ya da... Beer can't even get me drunk la my god please.... so stupid drinking it... it's not delicious even.

So we went to mamak la... Mamak's kinda comforting these days... Always go there for nasi lemak, tosai telur, nescafe ais and teh tarik....

Will talk on my kuantan trip later. Cheers. Gotta shower now. Love ya!

Morning saturday

2008-08-30T08:19:00.004+08:00

Right now i'm waiting for my bro and sis to wake up so that we can all go breakfast. They never wake up early while stupid me woke up by 7am d... dumb la... so used to sleeping by 12 and waking up by 7am.

Today is to be a rather long day i suppose... a number of things to do...wonder if i can squeeze in an hour or two of gym time. I miss miss miss Ee Jeck and i've not attended Myke's bodycombat since forever... Love those dudes.

Yesterday evening was stupid. I was in the gym locker area changing and damn i realised i forgot my shoes! I was in my white flats. How stupid. In flats to flaunt my pretty red-painted toes la... lol... in flats cos they look good wth. She's so vain these days can die 1 lor.

So she quickly walked back to her car and by the time she gets back, Myke's already in track 2. The squat track. Ish. Still she ran in, gets her barbell and stood in first line of the class. Wtf she doesn't care. Told him what happened and he just laughed la... knowing it's typical me to be oh-so clumsy.

Saw Sunny too. Another one i so love. Talked bout stupid Derek. Derek told me Sunny commented that he's fatter. It's Kelvin la...he cooks such good food with so much cheese... it's delicious but so fattening! We love him but really he gotta stop fattening people with his food. Lol.

I'm craving for sago dessert now... Should so get sago and stuff over to Kelvin's place and enjoy dessert together yum yum...

Can so do sago + yam + sweet potatoes + coconut milk + pandan leaves + sugar

Or just easy sago + coconut milk + sugar

A baked pudding would be oh so delicious sinful but i'm not planning to kill myself just yet lol... Let's just go grab cendol man! But the ones in Kl don't rock... sobs... i want my Melaka cendol or the Penang one. Ours just don't make the cut. So sad.

Yesterday we had ayam penyet for lunch. I drove. Lol. For food i can travel a little distance. Then we go lepak in Pyramid before getting my ass back in uni for ny 3pm lecture. I dozed off in the library waiting for my lect to start. Too many slow emo songs in my shuffle... lol... Woke up 7 minutes late. Go buy gum and toilet. Was late 17 minutes in total. Dumb girl.

Eh. I had wanted to go buy coffee in the cafetaria but no la... then i would be 20 minutes late. .See. I have brains after all.

Now miss brains wanna study a bit... try to study she meant... lol..

Week 7

2008-08-25T20:46:00.005+08:00

it's week 7 already.

Like half way through the semester. My last semester. Hopefully. Must really study hard to end all this. I never last in a single place for long. There's always a reason to leave and so few if any reason to stay. Experience has thought me that no one is worth sacrificing anything for. So true. Though however because i'm such a softie it can be pretty hard to do...

Anyway. Enough of that. I'm attending this saturday's ball. Handed the money to Yk this morning. I felt so certain this morning that i want to go. But i'm not in a really good mood now... second doubting my decision to go. Whatever la just go and it'll be fun if i want it to be la. Maybe i should get a glass of tea before the ball lol... The beachy kind... might end up drunk before 8 my god lol...

So about yesterday's run. It was fun. The run was not something you can give up on... cos well... you can't... you got to get to the finishing line. At least i know i have the 1901 hotdog waiting for me. Cold milo. Water. And loads other goodies... The men had fun getting their faces cleaned...

Dunno what brand la... Forgot d... I had my nails done at the nail booth... Body fat analysis... Had a granola bar from the Nature's booth and a pink flower balloon from the clown on stilts....

The 10 km felt like 10km alright. With slopes and gentle slopes... We ran within the garden... out to the roads and in again.... After the run i walked to Sentral to catch a bus home ;)

Showered and out i went again to celebrate Ah Loo's birthday... spent the whole afternoon out and was only home again the evening and out again for dinner and finally home once more. Tiring day? Think so... Worn flats today to let my legs rest... Heels tmr? Dunno...

I painted my toes deep dark red... i like red... ur feet looks fairer when you paint your toes in bright colors ;)

My gym mate has a bf... to busy for me d... erm... In search for another gym mate. In search for another best friend. It's not that i don't believe in BFF [best friends forever]... just that... i dunno.

2008-08-23T20:17:00.002+08:00

I guess i should go catch forty winks. My left eye is twitching. It happens when i'm tired. Woke up early this morning to study despite sleeping late last night...

I just realise how torturous it is to help a guy shop. My bro. One of the most indecisive ones alive when it comes to dressing up for his first ever interview. Yups. Make him try so many brands for his shirt... He's kinda skinny despite having definition...

And me myself i bought a black leather wallet and a pair of pumps. Pumps cos i want to. I've been wanting to get a pair.. hehe... i'll have to work one day don't i? and i need proper shoes... so yeah... only spent 150 on them! Congrats. another 100 on wallet.

I still need to spend another 159 on the belt at Fossil... erm...and something else too... gosh... i'm such a big spender sometimes... i always have things to buy. Somebody lock me home please. Pls.

Shopping aside i'm so excited bout tmr's run really! Others would ask me why i'm so excited bout. Isn't it to be dreaded? It doesn't help that i'm going alone without any friends but well i have shuffle baby with me and there's Leona, Britney, Rihanna and a whole lot of other different people in it... Beat that.

Gotta get some rest now... don't think i'll attempt studying cos i'm tired... Cya soon...

Offensive material

2008-08-22T23:23:00.004+08:00

I want to talk to Derek. Tell him how Kenny was so mean to me. Tell him how he inconsiderately just blocked me on MSN for something i've jokingly said.

So how was your 30 hour famine?

I'm glad you've survived. Lol.

I would hate to lose a friend.

Something along those lines and he got so irritated he blocked me.

Wtf right??! Like geez... is he emo-ing or are my words really so offensive? So it wasn't entirely polite to begin with but two lines of some lameness and it's good enough reason to block someone?

Okay. Sometimes we cannot tell another's mood on MSN. So what do you do? Avoid chatting whenever possible.

And for the record, it was quite ouchie indeed when he did what he did. You can be sure i'll turn the other way if ever i see him around. In fact i think i'm gonna avoid going to the CnS office altogether. If possible, i'd like to make myself invisible in lectures we both attend.

Thank god i don't share any tutorials with him. It will be inconvenient indeed to change tutorials after so many weeks... geez... people... i sure am bad at this social thing. Perhaps i should change my mind bout going to the monash ball. Really... at 21 i've lost faith in most people... can die d la.

K la... shouldn't let stupid people depress me. I am just so stupid. Allowing irrelevant people to just pull me down down down. So down that i could hardly smile. Oh god. I need some help.

Anyway enough of other people. I don't like most other people.

Let's talk bout happier things.

I was at Pyramid with Leech and Chui Lee today. Cos chui lee came all the way from Kuala Kubu and thus the 3 of us met up. Since it's a Friday we lunched at Friday. I wish they have restaurants named after each day of the week so i can easily make my makan decisions.

We went there because Leech don't like raw fish la... i love my food raw. I would survive pretty well on a raw food diet... We ordered those quesadilla or how you spell it... like tortillas with cheese chicken... there's also rice... guacamole and etc... so high in carb but damn i love my carbs.

I use to not like food so much but well i've grown to like it these days cos there's nothing much to like food aside... Perhaps it's so. No wonder so many like food. Food don't hate you at least.

The other thing which makes me happy is seeing Nic my ex-supervisor. I really have not much to say to any of my old colleagues but somehow it makes me happy to see them. Yups. Maybe it's those memories and happy times we've shared together. Yups. I love them all.

I do love people but sometimes i would rather not like them and keep my distance instead unless i'm very sure it's ok. Ya. I better stay away. Humans hurt. Some of them. Scary.

I saw a deep dark red belt today at Fossils. Will ask Derek's opinion on that before buying it ;)

Listening to Jenny (Click5) i recall how stupid Nic will keep playing the song over and over and over again cos he loves it... i'll catch him walking into the store to play this favorite song of his and he'll stupidly smile.

And i saw Daniel when i passed by Nike again but don't wanna walk in la... Don't want to bore the girls. The truth is i feel like visiting them whenever i'm in pyramid. I find my behavior to be weird........... cos really... i've only been working with them a month plus and yet i've grown so fond of them. I must get a hold of dear me. I must not like people oh so easily. It's a crime. I hate me for that.

Because i sometimes invest too much it hurts.

Because i fall any lower i better stop talking bout it.

You know. Have you seen me cry?

Not that it matters. Nope.

Baby...

2008-08-22T07:57:00.002+08:00

My latest baby >> A purple shuffle!

It has helped me survive yesterday's long wait... for the LRT. Do you know how jam packed can LRTs can at peak hours? Now i do. Now i know. And don't i wish i had spent less time shopping but instead went home early after getting my running shirt.

Oh stupidity. But then again it gave me valuable experiences. Like how it's like to be a sardine packed in a can. Or to top up your phone credit when you're running low and not wait till you're down to 2 cents worth. And to always ask others for direction when you're lost and not waste time finding your way through.

Precious lessons eh.

Studying now... not for monday's test but for my 10am tutorial. Why the sudden nerdiness? Cos... they are sooOoo many nerds in my class and thus i have to be one too just to keep up with their brains. OMG. Lesson #4 Early morning tuts are filled to the brim with nerds so if you don't wanna die under stress please opt for later classes in the afternoon and evening.

I can't wait for Sunday's run! And i'm like going out everyday... bad bad... Will meet up with Leech n chui lee afternoon.... wondering if i can go gym in the evening... tomorrow it's high school friends... On sunday the guys might join me for the run... busy busy days ahead... must cram in time to study somemore.... gosh... so packed.

Like sardines in a can.

Marathon

2008-08-20T08:58:00.003+08:00

This sunday i'll be attending a 10km run in kl. And a marathon 7 December. The Singapore Marathon as part of the Monash Team. Wanna join me?

Oh come on... once in a life time we should all run a marathon. It's a pre-requisite to having lived it all and done it all... So go Google Singapore Marathon Monash. Sign up and i'll see you there.

Non-monash ians can sign up as part of the team as Family and Friends too i think... A marathon is roughly 42km la dude.

It's not gonna be easy but we're gonna pull it through together if you decide to join me ;)

Cheers.

Why eh

2008-08-19T22:08:00.002+08:00

Gotta blog and let it all out before i can start on my assignment cos i need to clear the build up in me before i go insane.

Afifi the stupid PT is mad at me cos i scolded him for asking Derek if he's gay. He thinks it's none of my business. Uh huh. When Derek's my best friend it's none of my business? So it's wrong to stand up for your friend la eh? He's such a dumb ass. Hate him. Whatever la. I don't mind not talking to him, plus he's the one who's ignoring me. He told Derek he's not gonna talk to me.

Best part. He is suppose to be an adult.

Adults are not a whole lot better compared to so called kids like me. Really they aren't any better.

Mr Chim, ex-superior and Nike GM called me today. Erm... he's joining the gym and asked my opinion of a personal trainer. I could have recommended Nizam but i didn't want to... I'm turning into a god damn racist these days. Cos of Afifi and Chandra. I'm losing faith in people these days. The only malay PT whom i like at the gym is Amin actually.

Reason being i can bet on it that his smiles and words are sincere. Most importantly, he doesn't hurt me intentionally with snide remarks. The others can be quite nasty at times. I so cannot stand them anymore. Derek's telling me to protect myself and to not let others bully me. He is so right. Because i tend to be too nice and people get overboard with their comments... they think it's okay because i let them and never reprimand them. Yupz. Should heed his advice.

People are tiring me out and i cannot be bothered.

Today i watch this episode of Will and Grace which struck a cord in me. Grace lost interest in men and she blamed it on Will cos they are like Siamese twins stuck at the hip, never separate.

She complains that it's because they spend too much time together that she has no time to date thus explaining her singledom and gradual loss of interest in other men.

The issues in Will and Grace are actually kinda relevant to me my god. And i've yet to watch the episode where Grace gets a dog... gosh... Derek wants to get a pet! Lol... perhaps... but i told him i'm taking no shit. He's not taking any too. Lol. Anyway... not too similar... but somehow kinda related. They sure know the issues surrounding a friendship...

And Mr Chim's asking me to get back on part time basis. Ah.... he likes me eh... lol... i still find it surprising to find people liking me. I so lack confidence with regard to that aspect... but surely you can't blame me cos people are always abandoning me. Again and again. It makes me sick to the core but i'm confident that Derek wouldn't. Both Derek and Kelvin.

I no longer want to invest time in things which simply wouldn't work out or not worth my time. I don't really go out of my way to make friends anymore. I stick to what i have. I'm sorry i've given up. I'm sorry i've lost faith.

Upset

2008-08-18T12:38:00.002+08:00

My dad told my mum to limit my gym hours to twice a week. The weekends. What the hell?!

So... thus...therefore... i am not attending lectures this week. Staying off from gym means staying off uni grounds to me. I don't bloody sodding care. I'm not at all happy. And i don't even feel like eating ice cream. I binged on toast and marmalade and now i feel tired after jogging in the drizzle. So freaking upset.

So not in the mood to do anything. I don't even want to eat cos i ate too much. I think i'm gonna go sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. I gotta go out on Thursday to collect my shirt for Sunday's run. How to prep for my 10km if i can't go gym right? I'm gonna run in my neighborhood lo... While i'm out on Thursday will go grab a shuffle too since Derek's not running with me... afraid of boredom...

K. Till next time. And since dad's so bloody damn mean i think i'll go to monash ball just to waste his money wtf. Bring some alcohol too. Who bloody cares.

So what that i've been at my friend's place since Saturday and was only back Sunday night eh? Is that too much? Wth. Wth wth. I'm 21 for crying out loud. An adult. But yeah, parents never treat their children as adults. Ever.

2008-08-17T23:27:00.002+08:00

Failed the interview. Sobs. For a mo that is. Then me and Derek realise it's really a stupid job.

It's gonna lack satisfaction. Cos we are gonna feel so stupid. The job's an insult to our brains lo... 3 years of uni to waitress on a plane?? Sure kena lecture kao kao from other relatives la duh. So yeah, we are not meant to waitress. Greater challenges await us elsewhere.

Nevermind that.

I had ice cream last night. Baskin. Damn nice. Then we shared beer back at Kelvin's place. And i slept like a baby. All curled up in the bed and surrounded with pillows. That was what Derek told me anyway.

I love the guys. Like 2 daddies lo... always so damn nice to me. I got so emotional talking to them today that i cried. At starbucks my god. Wtf. I am so emo. Can die lo. And both of them had fun staring at me. So amazed. Geez.

After dinner i cried again lo. Lol. Derek always make me wanna cry. Cos he's so nice and caring. Gee. Such a nice friend. The guys are really nice lo. Kelvin cooked again. Super sinful again. He adds cheese into his food all the time. Can die lo.

Tonight it was spaghetti bolognese and pan fried salmon with sea salt. Last night it was pasta carbonara with chicken breast. Delicious. Kel can really cook. Lol... love them both to bits.

They are my closest friends for now.

Derek told me and Kelvin that he has no ugly friends. Gee. So right as his friends me and Kel should be feeling proud. Gee... we aren't ugly. Lol. But you know, being with them makes me acutely aware that i lack someone. Ya. Like girl, you need a guy. Gee. Do i?

Derek was so sweet. He said that if he's straight he'll date me. Lol. Cos i'm so sweet and genuine. Damn. Make me tear only. Love that dude. He's a bitch sometimes. So am i. But we can't live without the other. Feel like i just found a new family man. A family who loves to eat laugh and be jolly all the time. Without worries. Poochi!

Lol...Poochi = Poodle + Chihuahua.

Yeah...right....

Geez

2008-08-15T21:29:00.002+08:00

Many at the gym have not seen my new hair lol... i just realised... from the look on their face and the things they say i know la...

In fact Myke couldn't recognise me! Whoa.

I was late for bodypump but knowing me i went in anyway... he was into the 2nd track - squat track d.. and i stood right under his nose. I smiled and i said hi myke. He was stunned for a mo. And smiled. Lol.

Is this the same Amanda? he asked.

Why suddenly cut so short?

He thinks its nice too. Like everybody else... hehe... jane thought it's nice too. While paulynn at uni thought it's cute. Erm... i'm quite happy.

And Geez i'm so petrified about tomorrow. You will be too after reading bout the interview...

You get bright lights shining on you when it's time to check your skin. They'll look at your teeth. They'll make you walk around with the kebaya to take a look at your posture and all... gosh... Chins up. shoulders back girl. Gosh scary. I wonder if they want me. Scared.

What r u doing now?

2008-08-14T22:06:00.002+08:00

Well... that's one question people always pose to me... what are you doing?

And somehow... next to never would i reply - nothing.

Maybe when i'm too lazy to tell. Or it's a secret. Or perhaps i'm doing something shameful lol... but usually yes i have something up my sleeve.

Right now, i'm rushing my TV assignment. First assignment! Our tutor melissa told us to just take it easy since it's 20% but i love the work... i love reading up on gays and i do want to take this seriously despite the lack of time. It's interesting really. An assignment which i enjoy doing very much indeed.

Why didn't i take Arts my god?

Cos i thought i wouldn't be much good at it. What makes me think i'll be better with finance and accounting?

Erm... i dunno... it's so safe. So safe. That one hell of an insecure bitch is speaking again. Make her stop can you?

But nay... no regrets... i would fit in well in Arts but Business is good all the same. The practicality and safeness appeals to me.

Anand, the yoga instructor asked me something today...

You always seem so free. Like a bird. Aren't you stressed?

And my answer was: Why should i be?

He thought it's a good answer lol...

When i uttered those words i wasn't stressed out of course... it was still 930 in the morning and it was okay...

My hair's gonna give me stress soon. I love the way it looks don't get me wrong. Just that the fringe takes some getting used to... I've not had a fringe for the longest time... and today i took a pic in the photoshop. I love like a 15 year old.

Geez. My sis thought the pic looks like the one i took when i was five.

Okay. I look super kiddy in that pic. Geez. Derek looks so good in his! It's so good that he gave me one and well i took it. Lol.

There are questions on my mind sometimes... that i dunno the answers to... and it bugs me for a while... i shrug it off most of the time. I suppose that's normal since we can't exactly read minds...

Bob was pretty weird. The way he said goodbye. He lightly hit my arm with his fist and said see ya. Is he treating me like a buddy? Erm... so with my short hair i'm a guy now eh? Erm.... i shall ask him. Lol. Maybe i shouldn't. Lol.

Should stop contemplating on stupid stuff and get back to work now. 1500 words in one night baby. Ta! Cya soon!

2008-08-13T22:16:00.002+08:00

Sorry i binged again. I ate more than half a loaf of bread after dinner. A pau. A weetabix. Kimchi. Looking at my almost finished Gardenia my mum told my aunt to take away my bread.

no more eating she said.

I slapped myself hard. As hard as i could possibly could. Hit my head with my hands too.

I torture myself when i'm angry. Yupz. I was angry at my dad. I hate him. After binge eating i'm doing pushups. I know i have a problem yes. Gonna develop into some sorta eating disorder. But who cares. At least i'm not committing suicide.

I need the SIA cabin crew job. I want to get away as soon as i graduate. I don't want to stay here anymore. Do you get me? Do you know how desperately i want freedom. I want the job. Or any other job with a good pay and sends me elsewhere. Anything. Anywhere. I'm leaving.

And nothing's gonna stop me.

Stop and stare

2008-08-12T16:45:00.004+08:00

Going coming. Thought i heard a knock. Who's there no one.

People just drop their jaws when they see me. It's actually so funny to watch! Lol.. i'm such a bitch. But they love dropping them jaws. Lol.

It's just a haircut eh.

Oh no. More like a make over Ehsan said.

Well yeah... quite... i've not worn a knee length skirt to uni in ages... because... dunno... i know i look good in them yet i do not wear them. How weird eh.

It's like for once people are actually interested in me. God. That felt good. I'm such an attention whore. Well... for the effort i put in to look good i deserve it i would say. Yeah. I do deserve it.

I saw Amin at gym...

Hey, is that Amin i see?

He looked back.

You look different.

That was all he managed to tell me. That was all he said.

And people are asking me whether i prefer my old look or new look. I don't know. There are pros and cons to both. So i don't know. A change is cool i suppose. The new look seems to have a league of fans of its own...

What's the verdict on my hair cut?

Yasir thought it's sexier. Exotic even.
Ehsan said it's hot.

I agree with Ehsan that it's not just the hair. It's a makeover. I changed 180 from top to toe lo...Hair. Face. Toes painted even. See. Why am i suddenly so vain? Er... peer pressure? Nay. Pressure from the bf. Best friend!

Gotta get busy now....... ta!

Love.

What do you want?

2008-08-11T08:03:00.003+08:00

I don't know.

He has to be sweet. Caring. Gentleman. Loves me. Smart.

Now. What about the looks?

And what if he's the not fun? Fun in the sense that he can crack me up.

Cos i think i have a kinda suitable candidate around... but... i'm not too sure... I think but i don't wanna think. I'll think bout it when i have the time.

I just realise yesterday that my assignment is due today at 5pm. Absolutely fantastic.

Lol.

Can i live with sweetness alone? Do i want something more?

Some say your first will not be your last. Gosh. I should have simply dated someone anyone and not be choosy. Now look what i've done. This guy here is settle-down material but i'm not ready cos i'm not sure. And me being a paranoid might not even try but instead walk away.

But why do i worry right.. He has not said it out yet... Only dropping hints...

Like gosh. I need to sit down with someone to analyse this. This is serious. I'm seriously nerdy.
I need to analyse? Lol... oh yeah baby. Ops. Not my line. Kelvin's. Mine's uh-huh uh-huh.

I'm still seeing the effects of my last breakout... it's subsiding and i'm glad... gosh... thank god i have Bobbi Brown to help me out a little otherwise god i'm not too sure of the interview. It's this Saturday! We got the date wrong, how stupid. Lol... but thank god again. Thanks. Thanks for making my life bearable. Thanks for giving me things i've asked for.

I asked for a friend in uni and you gave me Derek. Yay! I've never thought i'll find a friend like him on campus! We've grown so close in just a couple of months. The truth is we clicked the first time we spent time we each other other. And i like that. I like that i can we're cool with sharing the same bed. I like that i can talk cock talk breasts with him. I like the friendship we share.

Thank you. I'm grateful. The bitch says so. What a miracle.